Conversion

 

My Baptism
January, 1980

This post is going to be much different than any of my other posts. I typically add many photos, usually some videos and include at least some music. This time, I'm just focusing on me and my story.

This is something that I don't typically share; less than a handful of people are even aware of this experience, because it's an experience that I've held sacred, between God and me. Now that my mission is two thirds complete, I've seen two grandchildren complete missions and have two more ready to begin theirs and all of my family maturing into next phases of their lives, I feel now is the time to share.

Many are aware of the humorous story of meeting the missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in a hospital room, when Randy was in traction. It made a good joke that they had to tie him up to get him to listen. For me, it's a different story. It was an answer to prayer. My senior year of college, I was facing life in a whole new way that was unfamiliar to me and as I looked for direction, I began going back to church; even began teaching the 4th grade Sunday School class at one of the Methodist churches in Decatur, Illinois. 

Randy only agreed to marry in a church, because we were getting married in December and an outdoor wedding sounded a little daring, weather-wise. After the wedding, I didn't set foot in church again for several months, but after the birth of my first daughter, I began to feel a yearning toward returning to a church, any church. I wanted to have her baptized and wanted to raise her going to church. As a child, I never went to church regularly; it wasn't something my family did, but my mother had taught me about God and Jesus Christ. That was something I wanted to share with my daughter.

So, that day, when the missionaries left Randy's hospital room and he said, "If I EVER join a church, it will be that one," I knew I better pay attention, because that was something I had actually been praying for. I didn't pray often, but when I did, my prayers were heartfelt and sincere and I unfailingly received answers that I knew were from God, to guide and direct me.

Randy and I began meeting with the missionaries weekly in our home, learning different pieces of the gospel each week. Each week, I felt like I was hearing things I had always known to be true, but I had never heard them explained so simply. Many of those teachings went back to my early childhood; small memories. Standing at the desk in our front hall with my mother as she helped me prepare my offering envelope to drop in the tray at church, I asked her why we were doing this. She patiently explained that my nickel was going to help pay the minister for teaching us about God and Jesus. I remembered being stunned; looking at my mother and saying, "We PAY people to teach us about JESUS?!?" She went on to explain that we had to pay for them to be able to have a home and food to eat, so that they had time to take care of the people from church and prepare their sermons to teach us." That memory came back to me as sharp as if it had just happened the day the missionaries taught me about the lay  ministry of their church; how everyone has their own "jobs" to earn money, but that everyone also does their part by accepting callings in the church to get the work done and take care of one another.

The evening that the missionaries taught us, from the Book of Mormon about the resurrected Christ appearing to the inhabitants of the American continents to teach the same messages he had taught to His disciples in the Bible, with the promise that He would return again to the earth, brought to mind another memory of something my mother had taught me. I had a favorite book as a child (I don't even know what the name of the book was) that my mother had to read to me over and over that told an Indian legend that they were waiting for "the great, white God" to return. Then as I grew older and began to learn history, I remembered a teacher saying that the Indians had accepted and basically worshipped Christopher Columbus, believing that he was the same great, white God who had promised to return to them.

Over and over again, the missionaries taught me lessons that were unlocking memories that I couldn't even place, but they sounded... right. Finally one night, in October, 1979, after I had finished reading a part of the Book of Mormon, I decided it was time to put the challenge in Moroni 10:4-6 to the test. For only about the third time in my life, I got down on my knees, and with a sincere desire to know the truth, having full faith that He would answer my prayer, because he had done so before, I asked God to tell me if the book was true. I asked if the book had indeed been translated from ancient plates through God's power. I stayed on my knees for a few minutes after my prayer, waiting for the answer that didn't come. I  wasn't too surprised though, because in the past, answers to my prayers generally happen a day or two later; usually through the words/actions of other people.

I got up off my knees and crawled into bed to go to sleep. As I closed my eyes, I began to feel strange; a feeling I can't adequately describe to this day, but I opened my eyes and was stunned to see a glow at the corner of my bed. As the glow grew larger and brighter, I tried to call out to Randy; to tell him to come and see this, to tell me what it was. But I couldn't move and I couldn't speak. I was held frozen in my bed, just staring at the glow, totally amazed at what I was seeing. Gradually the glow began to shrink and dim and as it did, I found I could move again and I could speak, but my desire to call out to Randy was gone. I knew I had received a miracle; a verification of the witness I had prayed for. I got out of bed, slowly moved into the kitchen for a drink of water and then back into the living room to see if Randy had any idea of what I had just experienced. He was still sitting on the couch where I had left him about a half hour earlier, still watching television. He looked up at me, totally unaware of my experience, and asked if I was okay. His world hadn't changed, but mine would never be the same. 

Through the years since, time and time again, I've received answers to so many prayers and been a witness to so many of God's miracles, that no matter what problems I've had to face, I've never experienced anything that has shaken my testimony or minimized that most powerful experience of my life. I know God lives. I know Jesus is the Christ. I know that the Bible is the word of God and that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ that supports the Bible and that God still speaks to us today. I'm grateful to have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life and I'm especially grateful that I have this amazing opportunity to serve a mission in support of all the young missionaries, whose sole goal is to share the love of Christ with everyone they meet. I say these things and share this sacred testimony in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Love, Laughter & Memories

Aunt Grace & I at her
100th Birthday celebration

One week ago today, Heaven gained another angel and our "Amazing Grace" got her wish to celebrate Easter with Jesus and all of the Zielkes and Popes who had gone before her. Bittersweet is the only word that comes to mind. Bitter for all of us who have relied on her, as the family matriarch, to keep the spirit and memories of the Zielkes alive for all these years. Sweet in that, after decades of wondering why God had left her here so long when all of her siblings and dear husband all left her so long ago, she's finally been granted the reunion she longed for. The truth of the matter is, I believe God left her here for US; to help all of us recognize goodness personified. More specifically, one reason Aunt Grace stayed with us so long was for ME. To help me reclaim my Zielke roots and to get to know my parents in a way I never could have without her.

While today's blog is meant to be a tribute to my amazing Aunt Grace, I'm approaching it from my own viewpoint of love and appreciation for the reconnection and family history I've learned, only because of her!

Let me backtrack a little to give you some insight into my story. We lost my mother to breast cancer eight days before  my 16th birthday and my father to prostate cancer about three weeks after my 20th birthday. My brothers had been married with children for years and I felt totally alone. I no longer felt like I belonged anywhere or with anyone, so I threw myself into forging my own life. My sorority sisters and my boyfriend/husband's family became my own. Other than a connection to my best friend, who had married my cousin Norm, I had little to no connection with the family I had always known and loved. I didn't feel like I fit in anymore and it hurt too much to see them all together without my parents there too.

Fast track to 2005. I had gotten my girls together in Aurora to attend a Herman's Hermits/Turtles/3 Dog Night concert with Elaine and my college roommate and Elaine decided it would be a good time to take us to Harvard to visit Aunt Grace and Uncle Austin. I was a little nervous to go visit after all this time, but it was a wonderful visit. I couldn't get over how welcoming and loving they were toward me, my girls and three of my five grandchildren. (Megan had to return to Kentucky before we headed to Aunt Grace's)

Aunt Grace, Uncle Austin & cousin Marcia with
my girls Sami, Brooks & their 3 little ones.

That visit opened the door to so much more, and provided the opportunity for me to begin to "heal" my broken relationship with my Zielke family.

In 2009, I got a phone call, telling me that Aunt Grace and three of her daughters were coming to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho to stay at a timeshare there and to do some exploring around northern Idaho/western Montana. Since I was living in the area, they were hoping we could get together and did we ever!

Aunt Grace Sandwich with
Brandon & Barton at Lake Coeur D'Alene

While Aunt Grace and her girls used my PT Cruiser to explore on their own, we also found time to picnic together,

visit the WWII Farragut Naval Training Station, spend an afternoon at Lake Coeur d'Alene (we tried to get Aunt Grace to parasail, but failed that attempt), swim in the pool at their timeshare and gather at my house for a few games of "Killer Bunnies!" 

That week together opened my heart, began the healing and began to create a bond as my boys and their wives began to learn what it meant to be a Zielke. (They also learned that Aunt Grace could be fiercely competitive!) For the first time in my adult life, my home was filled with Zielke conversation and laughter.

Barton, Emily & Abigail said goodbye to
"The Golden Girls" before leaving Wisconsin in 2016

Barton and Emily became especially close to Aunt Grace and her girls during the time Barton did his dental residency at the children's hospital in Milwaukee.

2017 became a real healing opportunity for me as I was included in Aunt Grace's "nieces weekend" when she invited ALL of her Zielke nieces to help her use up some of her timeshare points in the Smokie Mountains! It had been decades since I'd been around most of these cousins. Cousins went different directions, based on their interests and sightseeing desires, but there was plenty of time for us all to spend together to catch up, share memories, laughs, games and food!

Just a few of the Smokie Mountain Gathering

2018 took me back to live in Illinois for the first time in 32 years as I went to care for my father-in-law. It also gave me more time to see Lanie, my brother, my brousin and of course, Aunt Grace. Until Covid, anyway. I had reconnected enough with family, though, that I had a great idea to keep me busy through Covid! As my parents 100th birthdays were approaching, I decided I needed to know more about them, and the Zielke family, in general. Who better to get answers from than Aunt Grace? 

And, we began our weekly video chats where I would ask her questions or present a topic to stimulate memories and let her talk. Sometimes, if I thought she might need some time to come up with specific memories, I'd give her an assignment of things to ponder for the next week. Whichever of her daughters were available, would join our call and help me by posing questions of their own during our conversations. My cousin, Nan recently told me that Aunt Grace looked forward to our conversations (and  assignments) nearly as much as I did. Although she often didn't feel like her memories were anything special, we were always blown away by her amazing memory and her ability to remember minute details! Those conversations turned into blog entries that I wrote on her own blog to share with the rest of the Zielke family.

Aunt Grace with older sister Helen and
my dad (1926 or 27?)

Born one month shy of my dad's third birthday, they were very close. Aunt Grace frequently told us stories about him that would include the memory of his words, "Don't tell Ma!" She told us of catching him behind the barn smoking cornhusks and of the day she walked out to the barn and found him there right after hearing the news of the attack on Pearl Harbor.

Grace & Marge in one set of 
their matching dresses

Sometimes her memories would include experiences of Dad and Grace with their younger sister Marge; like the memory of the bicycle they shared. Aunt Marge could ride the bike, but she couldn't stop! So whenever she took the bike for a ride, Aunt Grace or Dad had to watch for her to come back so they could catch her and help her stop. Otherwise, Aunt Marge had to go around another loop, so they could catch her on the next ride by!

Aunt Grace with Mom

I was always especially excited to hear her memories of my mom and dad. I was thrilled to hear her tell how my dad had come up the stairs into her bedroom asking if she was awake, because he was so excited to tell her about the girl he had met. I was shocked and a bit heartbroken as she told me how Dad had asked her to come stay with my mom when she had suffered a miscarriage with their first baby. Neither my brother Bill nor I had ever heard that there should have been a brother or sister older than him!

Mom (in the middle) with Birthday Twins
Grace and Dorothy

She remembered Dad's excitement when he told her that my mom's sister was born the VERY SAME DAY as Aunt Grace and how she had hoped that she and my Aunt Dorothy (aka DeeDee) would become great friends; and her realization that she really had much more in common with Mom than she did with DeeDee.

She remembered stories about train rides into Chicago, a surprise birthday party, Christmas traditions and her youngest sister, Dorothy's birth. She was able to remember things about her grandparents and her own responsibilities on the farm and how Aunt Marge always got out of the hard work! Aunt Grace truly brought the Zielkes of the 1920s through 1940s to life and I'll be eternally grateful for those days of Covid when I got to know so much more about her and our family!

A Covid Restrictive Outing

With the end of Covid, after my brousin Norm's death, my bff and I began our travels with short trips. One was to visit Aunt Grace at her new assisted living place. Unfortunately, they still had some Covid restrictions in place and we weren't allowed to go in to visit with her, but we could take her "out." Had we been thinking in advance, we would have used Lanie's mini van to go visit, but we had my jeep! With our things in the backend, we had to put the back seat down to hold Aunt Grace's walker and Lanie had to crawl in and squeeze herself into position! Aunt Grace, always up for an adventure, got into the spirit and laughed right along with us about the crazy predicament we had gotten ourselves into.

A visit in 2023 after our 50th High School Reunion

Elaine and I would periodically take a trip to Watertown, Wisconsin to visit my brother Al and Marcia and then would always stop for a visit with Aunt Grace on our way back to Elaine's. Aunt Grace was always happy to see us and, as usual, would amaze us with her memory and attention to detail as she'd ask about our families and share what was happening with each of our other family members whom she had heard from recently.

100 Year Celebration with her daughters!

Just a year ago, we were all gathering for a two day celebration in honor of Aunt Grace reaching her milestone 100th birthday! At that time, it felt like we might be blessed to have her with us for awhile yet.

Aunt Grace with most of her family for
Christmas, 2025

Heavenly Father had other plans for her in 2026 though, and the family began to prepare for the inevitable as she went into hospice and spent more time sleeping. True to Aunt Grace's style though, according to my last conversation with my cousin Kathy a few weeks ago, when she was awake, she was alert and still our amazing Grace even though she did tire easily and would be out the rest of the day after.

A few days after her passing, I asked my cousin Jeanine how everyone was doing. Her response was "Yesterday church went well until the last hymn and we broke down then... human side took over as the Christian side of us were rejoicing." Just as Aunt Grace would have wanted it. While we all know that she's where she wants to be and there is undoubtedly an amazing family reunion happening, we can't help but feel a little bit of sorrow for ourselves, knowing our days of opportunity to pick up the phone to check in are gone... for now. 

Aunt Grace's Centennial Chip

At her birthday celebration, someone gave Aunt Grace a tray of photo chips in commemoration of her Centennial Celebration! The one she gave me kept me company and gave me courage last September as I returned to northern Idaho/eastern Washington to begin another life's adventure on my own. Once again I was feeling lost, alone and disconnected from loved ones. But, Aunt Grace helped me before, and looking at her smiling face on the drive gave me encouragement and confidence that I was going the right direction. I know that as I focus on my service to God and the people and missionaries of Spokane, I'll continue to heal and find my purpose and direction again.

Thank you, Aunt Grace for being my guide and my connection. Thank you for sharing your memories, your love and your laughter. Give everyone hugs for me! God be with you 'til we meet again!