Remembering Pop on His 95th Birthday!

 

Pop and I: Father's Day 2023

June 24, 2018: I was in Decatur for my second ZTA Reunion and stopped by his house to visit Pop. They had recently had to move his girlfriend into an assisted living home in Decatur, and he was lonely. I was living in Texas and had been feeling like there was another change on the horizon for me. So, it really came as no surprise when Pop asked me what I was doing those days and was there any chance I would consider moving "back home" to Decatur and stay with him. His oldest son, Judd, was living and working in Florida and wasn't in a position to uproot his family to move back. His daughter, Amy, was well-established in Utah with her partner of many years. Her two oldest sons were there in Vernal with their families and her youngest lived in a group home in southern Utah, where she could visit him periodically. Randy, my "was-band" was suffering from mental health issues and not in a good place to come live with his father. My response was quick, as the obvious reason why I had been feeling so unsettled in my career in Texas over the past few months.

I really hate telling people that I was "caregiver" for my 93-year-old father-in-law for the last five years of his life. For some reason, most people feel that I must be a "saint" for caring for a man I was not even related to anymore. That idea is so far from the truth, it's not even funny! There is so much more to the story! When I began dating Randy in 1974, my own father had just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. He passed away in March, 1975 and my mother had passed away in February, 1971. Randy's family's love and acceptance was something I clung to as I learned to navigate my life as an orphan (or "spinster," as stated in my father's will). Although Randy and I had an on again, off again relationship, his family was always there for me.

23 December 1978 of

Mom & Pop were very supportive of our family, wherever we were and in 1984 when Randy didn't have a job and we had five young children, they offered us a home with them until we could get back on our feet. After Randy and I divorced in 1997, they were supportive of my decision to move to Utah to live with Amy and her family. And, after Amy's husband died of pancreatic cancer two years later, they were extremely supportive of the two of us with our total of 7 teenagers between us! For all intents and purposes, my in-laws had become MY family. Mom & Pop had been my "parents" for a longer period of time than my own parents had. How could I possibly say no to a lonely 88-year-old man? I certainly wouldn't have turned my own father down. So, in November of 2018, my kids helped pack up my apartment in Texas and moved me "home" to Decatur, Illinois. But, there's so much more to his story...

Pop's Parents

Pop was born to John & Irene (Brooks) Sloan on 13 July 1930 in Decatur, Illinois. He was the "baby" of the family with five older siblings, after the youngest one, Johnny, had died the previous year at two years of age.

George Alvin Sloan

Pop's life was pretty common, as a child born in the Depression Era, and he didn't have a lot of material possessions. As Johnny had passed away before he was born, his siblings were 4-12 years older than he was. He never felt that he had anyone close to his age and grew accustomed to playing by himself or with the kids in the neighborhood.

Sloan Siblings
Clockwise: Pop, Harold, Mary, Helen & Lois

As a child, he loved to go fishing and he loved sports; especially baseball and basketball. He lived near Fan's Field in Decatur and at a young age, he and a few friends had jobs chasing foul balls that came over the fence during the minor league games. He was a fast runner and got good at anticipating where the balls would come over the fence, earning him the most money per game!

Although he was a rough man, Pop had fond memories of his older sister Mary's husband, Bud. He was a truck driver who would frequently pick George up and take him along on runs up to Chicago. Sometimes, Bud would even let George drive! Pop's other sister Helen's husband, Sam, had George with him when he needed to go get his driver's license. Although George was just fourteen, Sam asked George if he wanted a driver's license too. Pop told Sam yes, and they gave him one, even though he wasn't technically of age in Illinois!

In spite of this special treatment from his brothers-in-law, Pop hated that all of his siblings thought of him as the baby brother and always told him that he was spoiled and had so much more than they had. So much so, that to get away from it all, he enlisted in the Navy when he was just seventeen, with his parents' permission.

Sailor Man George

Although Pop served during the Korean conflict, he didn't see any action as he spent most of his time in the Mediterranean. He visited many countries, mentioning Turkey and Greece more than any others. He never had any desire to travel anywhere else in his later years, saying that he had seen all of the world he cared to see in his youth. And don't even consider mentioning a cruise to him. He had no intention of ever setting foot on another ship!

When on leave in foreign countries, instead of sightseeing, he spent his time roller skating,  shooting pool and going to the movies. He credited the hours he spent roller skating for his excellent coordination and being able to catch himself and knowing HOW to fall in his advanced years. He loved, even into his 90s, when people underestimated his pool skills and frequently went back to the ship with heavier pockets from his winnings. I'm somewhat confused as it comes to the movies he saw on leave. He swore to me that Elvis Presley did a lot to ease his homesickness when he would go watch the latest Elvis movie. The problem there was that he got out of the Navy in 1951 and Elvis didn't make his first movie until 1956. I'm pretty certain he was confusing the King with Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra, who WERE popular singing movie stars during that time period.

At the beginning of this blog, I mentioned Pop's girlfriend. His last love, after Mom passed away, was Kathy. It just so happened that Kathy was also his first love. They came from the same neighborhood, played with the same kids growing up, and they were a couple when he joined the service. He even had her name tattooed on his upper arm. Unfortunately, another "friend" of theirs convinced Kathy that there was no way George was going to be loyal to her while he was gone overseas and got Kathy to marry him! Pop got his "Dear John" letter the week after he had gotten his tattoo! After Mom passed away in 2014 and he was getting lonely, Randy helped Pop find Kathy again. Her husband had passed away too and Kathy moved in with Pop for about three years. After she moved into the assisted living facility, Pop would go visit her for three hours each afternoon and eat dinner with her every night. 

Pop and Kathy

While I'm on the subject of Pop's "lady friends," I can't forget to mention his first wife. While still in the service, stationed in Delaware, he met and married Jean Elizabeth Chapman in 1950. They lived with her parents until one day Jean kicked him out, telling him to go back home to his mommy. He never questioned her. He just left. She called him at his parent's home one day in 1952 while he was playing pinochle with his family. All she did was cry. She wouldn't stop and couldn't talk through her tears, so he got angry, told her if she wasn't going to get the divorce, he would and he hung up on her. He filed for divorce never knowing why she kicked him out or why she called him crying. He said he regretted his stubborn childishness the rest of his life. He had truly loved Jean and he had asked Randy to try to find her before he asked him to help find Kathy. Randy found Jean's one and only daughter. Pop wrote to her and learned that Jean had passed away years before and she refused to give any additional information, other than she knew that George had broken Jean's heart.

Wedding Announcement
to Jean Chapman

Living back in Decatur, after being discharged from the Navy and divorcing Jean, George first got a job at a service station which led to a job with Borg-Warner. Pop loved, but was never particularly close to his father, probably because he had little respect for him. John was a boilermaker with the railroad and an alcoholic. Each night after work, instead of coming home to his family, John would meet friends at the local tavern and stay until the bar closed down. One day in April, 1952, John wasn't feeling well and Pop needed to take him to the hospital. He dropped his father off, but didn't stay. Later, his mother and siblings begged George to come back to the hospital to say good-bye to his father. He didn't believe any of them, certain his father was going to be just fine. He always was. But, this time George was wrong and his father passed away. Pop lived with another regret for the rest of his life; he had never gotten to tell his father good-bye.

Realizing he probably shouldn't have quit school, George earned his GED after he was back in Decatur. While working at Borg-Warner, George met a young woman named D'Arbra DeFore. She was a nice-looking girl who liked to come around and flirt with him at his station. They began to date and she told him she was pregnant. They were married in June, 1953 and George was her son's father in every way. He loved that little boy every bit as much as he loved his other children.

George & Darb on their Wedding Day
20 June 1953

Darb was a strong woman who worked hard. Pop credited her with the fact that he was as financially secure as he was through retirement. All through their marriage, she worked hard and always turned her paychecks over to him. In turn, he would give her an allowance for groceries, etc, but being the thrifty woman she was, she was always able to stash away a little each pay period for a rainy day. She also encouraged him to begin investing in stocks, even though neither of them knew anything about the stock market. She was ahead of times in many of her ways of thinking, and sadly, he didn't appreciate that about her until she was gone. He told me that he never really loved her until the last few years of their marriage; when she NEEDED him. The last two to three years of her life, when she had become dependent upon him through injury and illness, and he could see her vulnerabilities, he really began to love her and wished he had been able to see that side of her through all the years of their marriage. 

After a number of years with Borg-Warner, Pop went to work for Caterpillar in Decatur. He stayed with Cat until he retired. George and Darb had three children. Judd, who was born in November, 1953; Randy who was born in January, 1955; Amy who was born in June, 1962. The family lived in a house that they all lovingly referred to as "the pink house" in a subdivision in the northwest corner of Decatur until the day Darb found a great deal on a large old house in Warrensburg.

Warrensburg House

She bought the house without George's knowledge for $6,500. He was not happy with her, but what was done, was done and the family moved to Warrensburg. The "good deal" turned into a nightmare of remodeling for Pop. He began to remodel one area of the house at a time, but each time he finished a room, he would come home from work the next day, only to find that Darb and Randy had demolished another room for him to remodel! He hated the house. He hated living in Warrensburg. And, he hated having to work several more hours after he got home each day to try to make the house livable! (This was about the time I came into the picture. The Warrensburg house was complete by October, 1974 when I met Randy.)

By 1975, Pop had purchased a lot back in Decatur and began building a new home, similar to his beloved "pink house."

3103 N Oakland Ave in Decatur

When I returned to college, the fall of 1975, the new house was done and ready to move into. Some of my sorority sisters and I helped Randy and his friend, Curt, load U-Haul after U-Haul to get the Sloan family moved into their new home. Pop loved their new home and vowed that he would stay living there to his dying day.

Mom and Pop enjoying the Deck
June, 1988

As I mentioned earlier, Mom & Pop supported us well. When Randy and I married, but his transfer didn't come through as planned, they provided a home for me in the basement apartment of their home from December, 1978 until June, 1979. When Randy decided he couldn't handle our popcorn shop business in Utah any longer, they gave us a home again! Five children and me disrupting their lives from September, 1984 until October, 1985 while Randy went back to Utah to sell our business and then finally found a job in Bloomington! 

Meeting his First Granddaughter
August 1979

Through the years, their home was also always open to their grandchildren. My kids would go to Illinois each summer to spend a couple of weeks with Grandma and Grandpa and Amy's youngest son lived with them for a period of time while Amy was getting established in her nursing career. During the times when my kids visited with Grandma and Grandpa, they had opportunities to build their own special relationships. Memories of Grandpa primarily revolve around the smell of his cigars, learning to shoot pool or play ping pong, and learning not to change the channel on the tv, even if he does appear to be asleep!!

Grandma & Grandpa with Randy & Amy
and all the cousins at Pelican Rapids.

Often times, Grandma & Grandpa would also take the kids along on their annual vacation to cabins on a lake near Pelican Rapids, Minnesota. There, the kids learned to fish and to be quiet while they were fishing with Grandpa! Then, to celebrate their 40th anniversary in June, 1993, the whole family went along! (Judd and his girlfriend arrived a little later than the rest of us)

Happy 40th Anniversary!

Fast forwarding a few years, the last time my family was all together with Grandma & Grandpa was in May, 2014. We all came together in Walls, Mississippi to celebrate the twins 30th birthday, Mother's Day & Brandon's graduation from Optometry School. Little did we know that Grandma's health was much worse than any of us imagined. This was the last time most of us saw her. She passed away seven months later.

Grandma & Grandpa with Randy's & my Family
5 Grandchildren and 15 Great Grandchildren

Fast forward again to June of 2018, when I stopped in to visit Pop; a visit that drastically changed both of our lives for the next five and a half years!

Pop on the Front Porch
and his Container Tomatoes

After I moved in with Pop in November, 2018, suddenly Randy became concerned about his father and decided he should move back to Decatur to be near his dad as well. So, he moved into the basement apartment on December26. 

For the most part, it was good. Randy and I had never had problems getting along and it was nice having him to compare notes with about Pop's health. Sometimes Randy would come upstairs in the evening and watch some tv and share a bowl of popcorn with us. Sometimes he stayed to himself in the basement or went to his job at TJ Maxx. Randy got ill in November, 2019. He had an awful cough and was terribly run down, but when he went to the doctor, the doctor told him he didn't have pneumonia or the flu, but he didn't know what he had. He gave Randy an antibiotic and an inhaler and told him to go home and rest. 

The evening of December 16th, Randy and I had dinner together and then he went down to bed. I heard him having a terrible coughing fit about midnight. The following afternoon, Pop asked me if I'd seen Randy at all. Pop hadn't seen him take his dogs out or smoke a cigarette all day. When Pop got home from his daily visit to Kathy, I suggested he go down and check on Randy, because there had still been no sign of him. Pop had to break into the apartment and came up shortly afterward yelling for me to call 911; Randy was dead on the basement floor. Pop was inconsolable as we went through the motions with the paramedics, the coroner, the funeral home and the nosy neighbor, yet he kept his strength and his composure enough to be able to help bring his son up the stairs on the stretcher to be taken to the funeral home.

Randy being wheeled
through the garage.

After Randy's passing, Pop and I had to learn to find our new normal together. It wasn't too difficult in the beginning, but then Covid lockdowns happened and we found ourselves stuck in the house together with no one else around to distract us. Weekdays weren't too bad. Pop still had the stock market during the day and his usual tv programs in the evening. Of course, he was no longer able to go have his dinners with Kathy, which was bad for both of them. In her isolation, she started to go downhill rapidly. She had been moved to a different facility with more medical care and he only went to visit her a couple of times each week after restrictions were lifted. Fortunately, he was able to see her one last time and kiss her good-bye. She passed minutes after he left her.

One more side effect of being isolated during Covid revolved around some of Pop's habits. Ordinarily, his whistling and finger-snapping were endearing traits that most remember fondly. Take it from me, it's a different story when you're hearing those things nearly constantly from 8am to 5pm! I had never realized before that he RARELY whistled an actual tune and the snapping was rhythmic to whatever beat was going on in his head! When I moved in, Pop had set me up with a desk in his "office," but not too far into isolation, I moved my "office" to the kitchen table where I could work and concentrate on doing family history research without the "entertainment factor."

Routine television became difficult when Pop realized that Covid had ended all new tv production. He began to realize he had already seen episodes of The FBI and "Chicago Night," and  then noticed he was even watching reruns of golf tournaments! I taught him how to use my Hulu, Netflix and Amazon Prime apps on the tv, and he was like a kid with a new toy; always looking for new series he could binge watch. Once he latched onto a series that he enjoyed, though, he redefined binge watching. We saw the whole series of "Suits"  and "Bosch" at least twice and "House," his ultimate favorite at least four times. Fortunately for him, as his memory was failing him more and more, each time he watched one of the shows, it was like a first time for him. He could never understand how I could be working on my laptop or reading a book and still be able to discuss what was happening on the shows. Volume was an even better story. Initially, we were able to watch tv at a fairly normal volume of about 18. Through the years, though, with a multitude of visits to the hearing aid store to have his aids cleaned out and to the doctor or urgent care to have the wax cleaned out of his ears, I gave up and began using earplugs. He always thought he was being sneaky. He would start a show at a normal volume and then when he thought I wouldn't notice, he'd nudge the volume up one or two notches, until the volume ended up in the 30s-40s! Sometimes I'd come home from an evening out and I could tell what show he had on before I even walked into the house, because he'd have the volume up in the 80s! Television volume was our greatest source of contention over our time together.

Pop didn't care for holidays, especially religious holidays or birthdays; anything that typically called for gift-giving. He must have had some terrible experiences, because he would tell me that Christmas was just a series of disappointments. "When you're a kid, you're always disappointed because you never get the one thing you really want, and when you're a parent, you know you can't give your kids all the things they want and you're going to disappoint them." Oddly enough, his Christmas gifts are the things my children remember the most about spending the holiday with him! Even though they always knew he was giving them money, they never knew what it was going to be or how he was going to give it to them.

Brandon, Meg & Barton
Celebrating #92 with Grandpa

Even though he had an aversion to holidays and birthdays, it seemed important to me to make sure he knew he was loved and appreciated on each birthday I spent with him. When he turned 90, I asked the whole family to create some sort of message  for him. Barton then compiled them all into one birthday video that I was able to play for him. He watched with a big smile and tears in his eyes. Then, for his 92nd birthday, we had a party for him. Covid had made us all realize that you just never know when it might be the last time you have to spend with loved ones. Brandon, Barton & Megan were all able to come to celebrate with their families and give ten of the great-grandchildren the opportunity to get to know their great grandpa.

Celebrating #92 with Great Grandpa Sloan

Of course, Pop had to take the opportunity to show the kids that he STILL had what it takes to shoot a game of pool!

Showing the kids how to line up his shot!

I'll forever be grateful that the family always did what they could to show him their love and appreciation through phone calls, visits, cards or gifts. One thing for certain, was that Pop never doubted their love and he frequently told me how much he appreciated them all for being the wonderful people they had all grown up to be.

Pop Loved Bob Evans

Pop was ALWAYS excited to open his cards or packages from Brookie, because he knew he was going to get to go out for a meal at one of his favorite restaurants or have a new box of maple goodies from New England.

All those special moments became even more meaningful as Pop's health began to deteriorate after August, 2023 when I took him to the ER for the first time due to increasing weakness in his legs that was resulting in more frequent  stumbles and falls. That resulted in an order for physical therapy, which basically backfired. His pride got in the way of him actually telling the therapist when something was difficult for him to do, so he overextended himself and then was too sore and tired to do any of his exercises at home between appointments!

Mid-September, it was back to the ER with an allergic reaction affecting his stomach, back and groin. 

November brought on a visit to an urgent care facility followed by another visit to the ER. Combined diagnoses included a UTI, dehydration and an enlarged prostate that caused his lethargy, confusion, loss of appetite and poor balance. This trip to the ER resulted in his first hospitalization for IV meds & fluids. He was released from the hospital with a catheter bag and an order for home health care for Occupational and Physical Therapy with a home health nurse and a new doctor of urology.

In early December, the home health nurse was concerned about his breathing and cough and sent him to a PRN for an emergency office visit. He was treated for pneumonia with antibiotic and steroid injections and an additional prescription.

He fell in the front entryway on December 28th, but insisted he was fine and had just been silly doing a "little jig" with the walker. By December 30th he was complaining of extreme back pain which sent us back to the ER again. A CT scan showed nothing with his back, but they did notice a fracture of his right orbit around his eye. Pop refused to believe that, saying he never hit his head or face when he fell. Fortunately, we had a small reprieve from ER visits after that and we had a nice New Year's Eve together with my BFF, Lanie.

Ringing in 2024 with Dominoes, Pop & Lanie!

January 18th we were back in the ER once again for his "excruciating back pain" that radiated around to his stomach. This time, a CT scan showed 3 fractured vertebrae and bloodwork indicated dehydration once again with decreased kidney function. We added two more doctors to his care: a neurosurgeon called in because of a benign tumor near the vertebral fractures and a spinal surgeon, who determined that his fractures were stable and a back brace was unnecessary. Since he was having an awful time sitting in his desk chair to work on his stocks, I purchased a lap desk for him and set him up to be able to work from his recliner, where the pain was eased somewhat and we also got him set up with Meals on Wheels for three days/week when I wouldn't be there to prepare his lunches.

Stocks are Hard Work

February 1 brought the greatest concern when he suddenly informed me that his right arm/hand was numb so he couldn't feel the buttons to lower his chair and he was unable to recognize the letters he needed to type to sign onto his laptop! He was also still complaining of back and stomach pain. This ER visit determined that he had a brain bleed, probably from the December fall, and said that his stomach pain was most likely from the hiatal hernia they found. Concern about the brain bleed had Pop on the way to the hospital in Springfield for better neurological treatment.

Ready for his First 
Ambulance Ride!

He was released from the hospital after three days with direction to take blood pressure three times/day to monitor the brain bleed, with further instruction to follow up with his general practitioner, neurosurgeon, nephrologist (for decreasing kidney function), urologist (for his enlarged prostate) and a gastroenterologist for radiating stomach pain. The rest of February and March were filled with doctor visits and follow-up tests.

Even though there were no new ER visits or complaints, I was afraid to leave him alone while I went on my cruise the end of March, so my daughter Sami (who is a nurse) agreed to come stay with her grandpa while I was gone. Fortunately, there were no new injuries or complaints while she was there and she was able to just focus on preparing his meals and trying to keep him hydrated!

Sami Ready to Work!

April arrived and the yard needed a lot of attention to all the tree limbs that had fallen over the winter, especially since the previous spring/summer he had just piled all the limbs in the garden to deal with "later." I was able to get him to agree to letting me ask the men from church to come help clean up the yard on April 20. All was going well, and he was excited to see the yard work getting done, but he decided to go down the basement to find them one more tool to use. That walk down the stairs turned out to be the biggest mistake of his life. He slipped three steps from the bottom and hurt his ankle. When I came inside to look for him, he was still sitting on the steps and told me he needed help. Fortunately, that didn't happen when I was home alone with him, as it took two men to help him back up the stairs, to a chair in the garage. I cleaned and bandaged the bleeding wound and was shocked to see how quickly he ankle was swelling. One of the men helped me get him into my car to take him to the ER once again.

Bone fragments had punctured an artery and he had multiple fractures in the lower leg and ankle that required emergency surgery. When the surgeon came to talk to me afterward, he told me it would be a 6-8 week recovery and that he should go to a rehab facility. I told the doctor that he wouldn't like that and the doctor told me that he had "no trouble being the bad guy" to break the news. 

The following day, as nurses were talking with him about his upcoming stay in the rehab facility, he became obstinate, saying he was not going and he'd be just fine at home. The nurse looked at me and asked how I felt about that and when I told her that I was worried and didn't know how I'd be able to care for him myself, Pop turned on me; saying that I didn't care about him at all or I'd have his back and that if Amy, Judd and I thought we were going to put him away to get our hands on his money, we were sorely mistaken. Then, as I was already standing up to leave his room, he yelled at me to get the f___ out of his room and he'd find his own way home; even if he had to crawl to get there. I don't recall ever being so hurt and angry at any other time in my life. So much so, that I didn't answer either of his phone calls the next morning, until the hospital called me to let me know the doctor had been in and "changed his mind" so that he had agreed to go to rehab after all.

Impressive Hardware

I gathered some of Pop's things, including his laptop, and met him at The Loft in Decatur. For six weeks, I visited him twice each day. Every morning to make sure his laptop was set up and ready for him to work on his stocks and then I returned each day after the market closed, to visit with him awhile, hear how his stocks faired that day and stayed with him through dinner, until he was settled back in his room with a tv plan for the evening.

Feeling bad that Pop wasn't going to be back home in time to plant his usual tomato plants, for the first time in my life, I planted tomatoes! I didn't tell him I had done it for a few weeks, until it appeared that they were going to be doing okay and he'd be able to take over the garden with healthy, productive plants when he'd get to come home in June. I finally showed him pictures of his garden the evening of May 26th. He was so excited, especially because he knew how much I hate tomatoes! 

The morning of May 27th, I got to the Loft as usual, but he wasn't feeling well and wanted to eat his breakfast in bed. I helped him with his coffee and oatmeal, reminded him that it was Memorial Day and the stock market was closed and I'd be back a little earlier that afternoon to keep him company. 

Resting in His Room at The Loft

When it was time for lunch, Pop told his nurse that he didn't want to go to the dining room, but he did want to get up into his wheelchair to eat sitting up. The nurse and an aid got him into his chair, the aid went to get his lunch tray and when she came back, he was leaned over in his chair, unresponsive. An ambulance was called to take him across the street to the hospital and I received a phone call from Amy to meet them at the hospital.

When I got there and was finally taken into a room, I was told that every time they tried to take him off life support, they lost him and would have to start working on him again. They asked if I wanted to see him. When I got back to the room with him, they told me his brain had basically been without oxygen for 45 minutes. They said they needed to take him off the machine again and asked if they lost his heartbeat again at that point, did I want them to let him go. After verifying that he would no longer be himself after so long without oxygen to the brain, I told them no, that Amy and I had talked and he wouldn't want to live that way. They turned off the machine and, in his usual stubborn fashion, his heart kept beating. He wanted to prove to me that his heart was still as strong as an ox!

He was taken to ICU where they kept monitoring brain activity for a few days and kept him on oxygen, until they finally turned it all off on June 4th. My daughter Megan had come from Kentucky to be with me when they took him off the machine and to say a final good-bye to her grandpa. They kept him in the hospital on hospice care and we had everyone calling to tell him good-bye and that it was okay for him to go, but he kept hanging on. 

Meg left on the fifth and late that afternoon, when it was just him and me, I had a heart to heart with him. I told him that I loved him and that Amy and I would get along just fine. We had done it before when Randy left me and her husband had died and we'd be okay again. I told him he didn't have to worry about us, and when he was ready, he could go. Immediately after we finished our little talk, a good friend from church came by to see how I was doing. We were talking quietly, when I suddenly noticed that Pop's labored breathing had stopped. I turned and called his name, then got up to go feel his chest. When I felt nothing, I ran to the nurse's station and told his nurse that I believed he had passed. She and another ran down to his room and confirmed my suspicion and called his time of death.

It's never easy to lose a loved one. I still miss the stubborn, old coot every day. I think I grew to know him as well, if not better than some of his own children. Although I didn't do it often enough, I  tried to record many of his stories so his kids and grandkids would have them to get to know him a little bit better. Throughout the five and a half years I lived with him, there probably wasn't a day that went by that he didn't do something to frustrate or irritate me. Heck, I'm sure that I wore on his nerves too, but I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. When he'd have a sentimental moment and tell me he loved me and he appreciated me being there with him, I knew he meant it. Th big hug he'd give me when I returned "home" after a trip to visit one of my kids, let me know that he really did miss me and was glad I was back.

I know this blog has been long and I apologize to anyone who is reading this to the end, but Pop deserves this. He deserves to be remembered and he deserved to be loved. Happy 95th Birthday, Pop! 

After the funeral, Megan, Sami and I were sitting in the backyard, remembering. A common memory is of Grandpa with his cigars and the familiar smell. We handed out some of his remaining cigars at the funeral and Meg decided to light one up in his memory... not the best idea, perhaps, but it gave us a chuckle.

40 Days of Emily

 

11 February 2025

Happy, happy birthday Sweet Lady!!!

(First of all, I want to acknowledge and apologize for the blooper in my video! I really am NOT turning 80 next month, but when my loving son called me out on it, he told me not to re-do my video because it was "funny.") 

Now. Onto the real stuff! I don't know if you remember (or ever even read) the blog post I wrote about you on your birthday in 2013, but I'd like you to go back and reread that post now, because everything that I said back then is still true today. 

However. The past twelve years have helped me get to know you so much better so that I have been able to come to appreciate the real Emily. You are such a strong, supportive, integral part of our family; even through your own personal challenges and heartache.

I know it had to have been very difficult for you to experience so many challenges as you and Bart were beginning your family, watching all the nieces and nephews being born in both Crabtree and Sloan families. Then with incredible strength and courage, you accepted the heartache of losing Baby Brandon mere hours after welcoming him into your family. Amid all that, knowing you wouldn't have long with that sweet, precious baby boy, you didn't focus on yourself, but invited your parents, Brandon and I to be there with you, so that we too had the opportunity to meet him and recognize his amazing spirit that will forever be a part of our eternal family.

I worried about you a bit as you created this perfect, organized little world around your young family when Abigail was small. You understandably doted on her and I wondered what would happen when you had a child who wouldn't meld perfectly into that world you had created. And then you had Millie. Her strong, enthusiastic, energetic personality took your quiet, organized life in a whole new direction. Many would have been unable to accept the chaos she left in her wake. Not you, though. You just learned to laugh and realize that her mischief and curiosity contributed to her way of learning and growing. And, somehow, you managed to teach Millie to help strengthen Rocky and catch up in his development. Now, you've taken the time to educate yourself and prepare your home to take in and foster children who don't have a stable, supportive family of their own.

I did you a tremendous disservice years ago, and for that, I apologize. I saw how close you were to your own pioneer heritage family and didn't think you would ever be able to truly embrace our crazy, dysfunctional convert family. I couldn't have been more wrong. At first, I took a little bit of offense to questions you would ask about our family or why/how things and people were what they were. I assumed you were seeking out information to judge us. I am so, so sorry. Eventually, I did come to realize that you were simply (and sincerely) trying to get to know and understand us and our dynamic better. Now, you may know us better than we know ourselves!

I began to get a real inkling of your love and desire to really be a part of the Sloan clan when you brought Abigail on the trip with me down to Aurora and Decatur. I saw how you interacted with Norm and Elaine. I marveled at how you voluntarily, with no tools, began to clean my parents' grave. I was impressed with how you would listen to "Grandma's" health tips and ask her questions that showed you were truly listening. And, I was thrilled that you cared enough to be sure to get pictures, especially of Grandpa and Abigail on the swing. That meant so much to both of them. Grandpa still referred to her as his little sweetheart and remembered her trying to push him in the swing on the porch.

Your family love and support have only grown and become more evident as you open your home and offer assistance to everyone; especially to Sarai, Jonas and Ethan in the past year. Your love and compassion have meant so much to me this year as you came for Grandpa's and Lanie's funeral services and the way you just dig in to get the job done, attacking cleaning and packing... you just amaze me!

You always think about me and do your best to share family happenings with me! I'm always so excited to see a new Marco Polo from Millie, or to hear that Abigail needs some family names to go to the temple, or to see the latest (illegal) video of Bart in a play or videos of him singing with Bran or Abigail, or to see the message on my Skylight frame that I have new photos! I'm so appreciative of the love and concern I feel from you and Bart and I'm so blessed to know that you (and Diedre) are both willing to let me live with you. (Not many daughters-in-law would be that open. I don't know how I'm lucky enough to have two!) Maybe someday, the time and circumstance will be right for me to make that move. I hope if it does, you'll still want me.

Emily, I love so many things about you: Your love, kindness, generosity, patience, intelligence, spirituality, dedication and humor are just a few. Thank you for being a wonderful, supportive wife to my baby boy and an amazing, loving mother to my grandchildren. I know your parents are responsible for raising you, molding all those natural gifts within you to make you the beautiful woman you are today, and for that, I offer them my thanks.

You are a gift to our family, sweet lady and I hope this small gift of my thoughts and words help you to know how much you are loved and appreciated. Happy 40th Birthday!

With lots of love,

Mama Sloan

Memories with My Buddy

 

Laughter, Always

One of the worst tragedies of my life happened in the late evening of October 12, 2024 when Brian called to tell me that his mom was in the emergency room after being struck by a hit and run driver. I learned shortly after that she had passed away, leaving a huge hole in my life and in my heart that only she had filled for the past 57 years. She was a sister and a cousin; not just a friend.That is another long story for another blog when I have the heart to be able to tell it.

Today, as I think about her 70th birthday (which she had frequently told me in her last few months that she didn't want), I want to give a little gift to all who knew and loved her. That gift is the memory of laughter. Whether she was actually laughing or she was just making us laugh, we could always be certain that there would always be a way to find joy whenever she was around.  So, I gift to YOU this video tribute. 

Our videos began as a joke, but as more people commented about our Gallivanting Grannies trips all over the country, we learned that more and more people were enjoying our experiences. So, our videos were all done with you in mind. What might you want to know about our travels and (mis)adventures? So, enjoy this trip down memory lane of my buddy and me over the past few years. You might shed a few tears, but most importantly, we hope you laugh!

Gallivanting Grannies Trip #1: Arizona and Historic Route 66

October, 2021

That first video was meant to be a joke. When we began our first trip (after my brousin, Lanie's husband had passed away) in October, 2021, I was doing a Facebook travelog of our trip, but MANY people laughed at how bad our "selfies" were. Becoming a little defensive, I decided to show people how challenging it is to get a good selfie, by taking a video of our process. Once we learned how much joy and laughter others got from it, the videos began in earnest.

Elaine had been a bit obsessed with the cacti on our drive out to Arizona to visit her old friends from Corny. When she began talking about them again (and the fact that we didn't have a selfie with them), I abruptly pulled off the interstate and our second selfie video came to be.

Our first pool selfie in Flagstaff, AZ emphasizes the fact that her children kept asking her what she was looking at in our selfie photos. She decided she needed to learn where to look when I was taking pictures/videos... and that "cheesy smile" I commented on? I'm still jealous she had such straight teeth without ever having to suffer braces!

Leaving our hotel in Flagstaff the next day came with the plan to do a selfie outside of each of our hotels, always with Elaine pointing at the sign so everyone would know where we are. We should have gotten paid for all the advertising!

It's 2 girls, my Lord with a Flatbed Ford...

On our way to Arizona, we realized how easily we could have visited Winslow, Arizona and decided to add that to our route back home. As The Eagles were gaining popularity during our teen years, we had to stop and "take it easy."

We were greeted with a lot of fog and "fresh" air when we got to the Cadillac Ranch in Texas!

Since it was so foggy that morning, we couldn't really see where the Cadillacs were "buried." I still had one bad knee and we didn't know how far the walk or how uneven the ground was, so Elaine did an "on the ground reporter" video so I could see what I missed!

Next on our Route 66 adventure, we were supposed to visit an old swimming pond with a big blue whale slide in Catoosa, OK! Near the pond, we found the remains of an old Noah's Ark exhibit, but we got our Bible stories confused and gave the Ark to Moses...

Then, because I'm fascinated with Totem Poles, we toured a totem pole park. It was a bit disappointing that they weren't of the carved variety.

Our final selfie video of the great Arizona/Route 66 Road Trip was just down the road apiece in Springfield, Illinois at the Cozy Dog Drive In; home of the original CORNDOG!

Gallivanting Grannies: Random Road Trips of 2021-2022

The rest of 2021 and all of 2022 was just a series of concerts and short road trips to Kentucky, Wisconsin and St Louis.

On November 5, 2021 we went to our first concert: Micky & Mike of the Monkees, just weeks before Mike's death on December 10th. It was extra special for her since Mike was always her favorite and she had never seen The Monkees in concert.

We went to Kentucky for a few days in February, 2022 to see my grandkids in their high school play and to visit some Hudson cousins. In spite of the chill, we got some exercise in the pool. I sneaked this video before she knew I was recording.

She had a fascination with the song Jerusalema and a dance from Africa that she had found on YouTube. You can see that she was having fun.

Sadly, shortly after, we had to say a final farewell to one of our closest high school friends. Cary's granddaughter was handing out little swag bags in her memory and in each bag was a miniature bottle of Cary's favorite Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey. Lanie and our friend Cindy used it to toast to Cary's memory.

In May, Lanie went to St Louis with me one Friday when I had to work in the LDS Temple. Her old friend Nancy lives in St Louis now, so she met up with Lanie and they spent the day together while I was busy.

When we visited Kentucky in September, my granddaughter Dottie was a little upset with Elaine because she wouldn't/couldn't go along with something Dottie wanted. Her mom corrected her and good grandmas that we are had to take it a step further...

The pool at The Hampton Inn in Wilder, Kentucky was a usual stay for us when we went to visit my daughter. It was rather ironic that I was in that hotel, staying in a room that looked directly into the pool when I learned of her death.

While we were in the area, we took some time to go by Randy's old popcorn shop that is still open in Cincinnati.

September, 2022 also took us north to visit my brother Al and Marcie. Lanie had her new Schnauzer puppies by then, so they came along on the road trip. An added bonus to this video is Al's voice in the background. We lost him during a gallbladder surgery less than two months later in November.

On our way back down to Lanie's from Wisconsin, we stopped to see Aunt Grace in Lake in the Woods, Illinois. Since Tinker and Fritz were so special to Lanie, I included this short clip of them.

Gallivanting Grannies Trip #2: Northeast Tour April, 2023

Early April of 2023, we set out on our second grand adventure road trip. It was my granddaughter Paige's birthday and she was being baptized over Easter weekend, so we headed northeast for the family activities and then toured some sights to knock off five more of the states I needed to hit.

First stop and state was Rhode Island where, of course, we couldn't follow our itinerary because it was Easter Sunday and things were closed!

Hershey World was a fun place to visit, especially since they were celebrating their 50th anniversary which coincided with our 50 year reunion for high school graduation. We got matching 50th anniversary tie dye t-shirts and spent WAY TOO MUCH MONEY on candy and goodies!

We were amazed that the lady making Lanie's peanut butter cup had only been working at Hershey World for three days! She did a great job!

Our final video of that trip was our report on Hershey from the hot tub in Zanesville, Ohio! Can you tell my voice is still recovering from my bout with Covid???

Gallivanting Grannies Mini Trip: Happy Together Tour Concert August, 2023

I hated that Lanie wasn't able to go along on the Flower Power Cruise in March so when I heard about the Happy Together Tour coming to Effingham, I knew we had to don our groovy threads and relive the days of our youth!

The Cowsills were the opening act and set the tone for a great evening. The truly great thing is that the performers really like the audience to be involved and sing along. Besides the Cowsills, we saw the Classics IV, Little Anthony, Gary Puckett, The Vogues and The Turtles (with Ron Dante of The Archies & The Cuff Links).

Singing along with the closing number, The Turtles most popular hit, "Happy Together." For the closing, all the acts come on stage together to sing 'cause everyone is happy together!

Laura was tuckered out and ready to turn in after the concert, but Lanie, Cindy and I hit the hot tub to wind down before bed. I've always been so happy together with my best buddy and any other friends we could gather for an adventure.

Gallivanting Grannies Trip 3: Amtrak to the Northeast 

October, 2023

The train trip to the Northeast for a week long adventure with two of Carol's girls in October, 2023 was planned to get in some leaf-peeping AND to check off Maine, Carol's 50th state! The trip began with a commuter train into Chicago from Elburn, IL.

Off to a great start! Even getting on the commuter train proved challenging for these Gallivanting Grannies!

We made it into Chicago's Union Station, but not without misadventure and the kindness of our fellow man...

After we got settled into our seats on our Amtrak train, it was time for some entertainment. That translates into using my laptop and Shazam on her phone to learn or confirm we knew the words to all the hit songs that the bands would be singing on our Flower Power Cruise in March, 2024.

It was quite a process trying to figure out how to hear the music and see the words without disturbing the other passengers. Even more challenging was the in and out of the train's WiFi... We got off the train heading east in Springfield, MA and had to spend the night in a nearby hotel before our train north to New Hampshire would be leaving.

As you can tell from our conversation, getting on board the "Vermonter" to get to Brookie's house posed its own set of problems, but we did get on and off the train for a fun time with my girls. Sadly, although I did take lots of pictures, I only got this one video....

One of the towns near Brookie has a pumpkin people festival every year where people and businesses create a display. Brooks stopped at this one so Elaine and I could visit the Margaritaville pumpkin people. With no videos of our stay in the haunted Omni Mount Washington Resort and Spa, the cog train ride up Mount Washington to experience the worst weather on earth, or our tour of Portland, Maine, to name just a few of our adventures, it was time to board our train to head back home.

Surprisingly, after 57 years of friendship, we could still learn things about ourselves and each other. As I learned that train stops give me anxiety, I also realized how patient Lanie could be with me and helped me to be able to laugh at myself.

Apparently we didn't learn our lesson with our dinner from Wahlburgers on the way to New Hampshire and repeated our mistake on the way back home.

When we spent the night in Springfield, MA on the way to New Hampshire, we took an Uber from the station to our hotel for just $6. The next afternoon, we took an Uber back to the station and were shocked when the charge was $41!!! Not knowing how much they would charge us this time, we opted to walk to and from the hotel from the train station this time.

Lanie realized the zipper was broken on her suitcase before we started on our trip, while we were at the Elburn commuter station. Hence, she was constantly unpacking and repacking, afraid that she was going to lose something along the way. Once we were inside the Springfield, MA Union Station, Elaine realized she must have packed her phone in her suitcase during her most recent repack.

Since it was autumn and a good share of this train ride to Chicago was in the dark, it seemed a good time to pull out my souvenir Cog Railroad deck of cards and play a game of Rummy. Being our go to game on rainy days at the cabins, the rules shouldn't have been so foggy....

Frequent stops through the night made sleep difficult, although Elaine slept pretty well through her podcasts and had to relisten, only to fall asleep again... and repeat.

My fit of giggles may seem to be uncalled for and really not as funny as they seemed to me in the moment, but sometimes Lanie would say (or do) things just like her mother and it would send me over the edge. Not that those times were especially funny, but it was ALWAYS things that used to drive her crazy about her mother OR that she would tease her mother about. Lanie's "What's that?" in response to my early morning question brought one of those memories flashing back into my memory.

After successfully finishing the ride into Chicago and getting back on the commuter train to Elburn, we still had one more adventure left. Earlier that year, I had gone on a Flower Power Cruise with another friend and my daughter Sami where we saw a great Beatles tribute band called The Fab Four. I wanted her to have the opportunity to see them too and our trip ended just in time for us to be able to go see the Fab Four in Rockford.

Gallivanting Grannies Trip 3: Flower Power Cruise March, 2024

While my friend Robyn and I were on the 2023 cruise, we knew we needed to do a repeat to be able to see as many of the old acts as we could before they're all gone, so we booked our same cabin for 2024 and this year, Lanie was able to go with us.

We flew into Fort Lauderdale on March 18, a few days early to spend some time with my brother Bill before the cruise ship left from the port in Miami.

On March 21st Bill arranged for a driver to take us to Miami to board the Celebrity Summit for a week immersed in the days of peace, love and the best music of all time.

Since our luggage wasn't in our room yet when we first boarded, we dropped some of our personal belongings in our cabin and headed to the pool deck for lunch and the "sail away" party with Tommy James and the Shondells.

With 3-5 concerts on the pool deck daily, there were plenty of opportunities to see our favorite bands. Between concerts, there was always music playing overhead to keep the party going. Lanie could get very animated as she sang along!

The theme for the evening on the second day of the cruise was 60s TV, Movies or Music. We chose to dress as characters from the hit show HeeHaw! Our server (for 2023 and 2024) thought I was trying to take a picture of him with Lanie.

We had a whole verse of the song planned about ourselves, but fortunately no one asked us to sing a verse, because we all forgot it! Lanie and Robyn did a good job on the chorus though.

On the third day of the cruise, Lanie and I decided to go up to Deck 11 to walk across the ship to the Sky Lounge. It really wasn't a good idea. We couldn't hear each other talk because the wind was so strong and I thought the wind was going to rip the earrings right out of my ears. We did run into Susan Cowsill taking a few quiet moments up there by herself. We didn't bother her.... much. 

Later that day, the Cowsills performed the late concert on the pool deck and Lanie had a good time singing Heat Wave with Susan. 

Day 4 brought us to beautiful San Juan, Puerto Rico where we had a land and sea tour of the city.

We had late dinner, after our evening concert in the Celebrity Theater every night. Occasionally we were in line back for enough that we were in the Rendezvous Lounge where they had karaoke going on. It was fun when everyone joined in the singing... one lady told us we needed to karaoke because we knew the words to all the songs so well. Lanie really liked to go watch the karaoke singers, but I could never get her to do it with me.

Day 5 took us to Tortola in the British Virgin Islands. It was a beautiful place! We had a wonderful tour and tour guide with a chance to spend a couple of hours on the beach. We couldn't get Lanie to come into the ocean with us, but I did catch her doing a hula on the beach!

Our final concert on the pool deck was the Grass Roots on Day 7. The Grass Roots put on a good show and we enjoyed singing along with everyone else!

Thursday, March 28, we were back in Miami to disembark. Our driver picked us up and took us back to Bill's for a few hours before he took us to the Fort Lauderdale airport. We had finally convinced Lanie to use wheelchair service because of the pain in her knees and her upcoming knee replacement. She had quite the wheelchair attendant and had to tell us the story of her trip to our gate and just how she arrived so much quicker than  Robyn and I did. I don't think she understood that she had big feet though....

Gallivanting Grannies do the Pacific Northwet: Our 4th and Final Great Adventure August, 2024

This trip was the most important and most planned of all. It was one Elaine wanted to take for years; back to about 2010 when I used to live in the Seattle area. I planned a two week loop for us, taking the northern route along interstate 90/94 to Seattle and on to the Washington coast with Forks and LaPush (of Twilight fame), then back to northern Idaho before heading south on Interstate 15 to spend a couple of days with my son in Utah, east on 70 to visit my other son in Colorado to get our eyes checked and then back to Illinois on 80. We accomplished much and had a lot of fun, but unfortunately, I only shot 6 videos in the two weeks we were gone. But, at least I have these...

After meeting up with old friends in Minnesota and Idaho, we headed into Washington. I wish I'd realized how much of our conversation the wind had drowned out at the Columbia River Gorge in Washington.

After arriving in Seattle we checked into our hotel and had to hit the hot tub. It was Lanie's thing! This hot tub gave her a really wild ride though!

The next day, I showed Lanie where I used to live and then took her to my favorite beach, just a few miles from my apartment in Mukilteo, Washington.

When it was time to leave the Seattle area we took the ferry from Edmonds, WA across the Puget Sound to Kingston. I started the recording and handed it to Lanie....

Well... take 2.....

Once we got on the ferry, I took over recording again...

We decided to get out of the car so Lanie could check out the passenger area of the ferry. She decided I needed to plot our route to Forks on the big map.

Sadly, I took NO videos of our time by the ocean or in the rainforest. This was as we were getting on the unplanned ferry when the GPS took us on the Bainbridge Ferry to Bremerton.

 After disembarking the ferry near Seattle,we headed back to Idaho and then south toward Utah. Lanie was getting a real kick out of the names and pronunciations of towns in Idaho; not sure why since she's been exposed to Wisconsin names since she was a teenager, but I digress. She made up a joke using the names of some of Idaho's towns and was so tickled by her own joke, I made her tell it while I made this video.

Again, no videos with either of my boys' families in Utah or Colorado, but I got this one as we began the final leg of our trip from Tipton, Iowa.

This final video is the hardest for me to watch. We're not laughing. We're sad our trip has come to an end, but I'm glad to know that she enjoyed our adventures as much as I did.... "I wanna go again." 

This past November, about two weeks after Lanie's memorial service, my brother Bill recognized I was having a hard time and had me come spend a few days with him in Florida. One afternoon we went to the pool and I found out they had a great hot tub. I had to get in... for my buddy. She would have loved it.

I'll close by sharing a video of our all time favorite music group. Our love for them, helped set the foundation of our friendship. So, follow THIS advice from the Monkees and LAUGH!

A special thank you to Richard Smith who created and posted 

this video to YouTube