And most of you would probably say "Richard Simmons?!?!? Really?!?" I know. He's crazy and he's obnoxious and he really doesn't look good in his little out-dated gym shorts and tank top, but for some reason, his is the ONLY exercise program that works for me. (Well, water aerobics does too, but you kinda have to have a swimming pool to pull that off...)
So, I figured if I blogged about it, maybe that would make me more committed and I would actually keep it up, because I can make any excuse to not exercise work for me. Why now? I guess just because it's time. I'm tired of being out of breath when I climb a flight of stairs. I'm tired of wondering if I'll need an extender to the seat belt on an airplane. And I have 15 1/2 (grandbaby #16 is due in April!) adorable reasons to want to stick around a bit longer. Now that all of my kids have completed their educational goals and have families of their own, I want to be around to see my grandbabies graduate from high school & college, go on missions and begin families of their own.
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| Me with Grandbabies 1-15 May, 2014 |
My mom had always been involved at the school with my older brothers, so all the teachers and principal knew who I was. I would get the "lead" in the little class plays we did; I had the only solo when our class went Christmas caroling to the other classes; I had a best friend and several other friends in the neighborhood and at school recess, AND all through first and second grade, I had at least one boyfriend all the time. (One used to get other boys to let him sit by me during story time so he could put his arm around me and rub my back! Scandalous!)
My weight fluctuated by 10-15 pounds through college, but I was always able to take it off until after I had my first daughter. From that time, extra pounds just seemed to be my constant companion. In fact, when I was concerned about the fact that I had gained no weight at all by the end of my sixth month of pregnancy with my twins and I asked the doctor if I should be worried, his response was "No. The babies are getting all the nutrition they need from your diet. You're living off your fat." As rude as that sounds, he was absolutely right and after my boys were born, I weighed forty pounds less than I did before I got pregnant with them!
Then, at the end of second grade, we moved to the farm. As much as I loved the farm, I was lonely with no neighbors. At school, I was the new kid and not only did no one know me, no one knew my mom. The school bus was terrifying and I developed a severe case of separation anxiety (aka school phobia---it's real; it's in my psychology books). The panic attacks, throwing up and diarrhea from the nerves all gave me plenty of excuses to not go to school, but then I would find myself alone in the house as my mom would be in the barn or the fields helping my dad with chores. I began to find solace in food and by fifth grade was horrified to be weighed in at school at 120 pounds. I learned to ridicule and make fun of myself so it didn't hurt so much when the kids at school did it.
Thus began my life-long struggle with my weight. There have only been two periods of time in my life when I felt acceptable with my weight. The first was in high school when I lost weight only because of the emotional stress of watching my mother die of cancer. The sad thing was, at the time, I didn't KNOW I had even lost weight... I still thought I was fat even though I was thirty pounds lighter than I'd been in sixth grade! Fortunately, swimming/water skiing in the summer and mandatory gym classes with weight training and tennis helped me to maintain my weight through the rest of high school although I still saw myself as fat.
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| That's me in the swimsuit cover-up! |
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| With my 5 babies! November, 1984 |
My weight was always a concern for my husband who used such endearing terms as "Blubber Buns" or "Thunder Thighs" when addressing me. In an attempt to make him happy and save myself some emotional abuse, I put myself on a strict program of "Sweatin' to the Oldies" and following the "Deal-a-Meal" program with Richard Simmons. That was 1991. I lost eighty pounds and learned to maintain it for over four years until I broke my ankle and could no longer exercise. I gained a little weight during that time, but the pounds didn't come on full force until Randy decided to leave and said he wanted a divorce.
My "reason" to care about my weight or how I looked was gone and now I needed to worry about supporting my family on my own. Let's face it, it's much quicker, easier and cheaper to cook unhealthy, fattening meals than it is to eat healthy... plus I craved all those comfort foods from my childhood. That was 1996, so now I've hated myself and made excuses for myself for eighteen years. I have at least a hundred pounds to lose and that scares me too! What happens to all that skin if I manage to lose the fat that's had it stretched for so long? That's been an excuse as well...
Anyway, so now I'm turning back to "Richard." My relationship with him worked well in the past... in fact, that's the only thing that HAS worked... so please don't roll your eyes at me. Don't make fun of it. Just support me and be glad that I still like my "oldies" music and as jiggly and uncoordinated as I may be, I still like to dance.
