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| Norman Carl Zielke 23 Feb 1946- 8 July 2021 In his Happy Place |
I lost my brousin this week. Yeah. My brousin. A term I've created myself to describe a cousin who was always so much more in my life. He was a brother in many ways, made even more so after he married my best friend.
Norm was the youngest child born to my Uncle Henry and "Miem." In spite of their age difference, Dad and Unc were very close, as were Mom and Miem. Combine that with the fact that Norm was born in 1946, between my brothers Bill (born in 1945) and Al (born in 1947), it was only natural that I grew up feeling like I had three older brothers instead of two.
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| Cowboy Norm on his Birthday |
I recall my mom frequently talking about how much she loved Norm's brown eyes; almost made me jealous! Recently, as he was trying to write out memories of my mom for her 100th birthday memory, one of his most vivid memories of her had been of her calling him her "little brown eyes."
Norm was a lot of things to a lot of people. This past week, as I've read kind words about him on Facebook and seen the reaction of family, friends and neighbors to his passing, I've come to realize that no matter who they were or how he knew them, he made everyone feel that they were important and loved. It's kind of funny for me to say that he made people feel loved, because he wasn't one to throw that word around lightly. He might not have said it frequently or to many people, but he showed them through his many selfless acts.
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| Norm & I May, 2020 |
I think I shocked him the first time I went to visit him after he went on hospice when I gave him a hug and told him I loved him. It wasn't a term we necessarily used, but we knew it. As his sister, Marilyn, lay in the hospital earlier this year, dying of Covid, Norm was prompted to tell her he loved her before ending their phone conversation. Those were the last words he got to say to her, and he was glad he had, choking up when he told me about their conversation.
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| Norm with his brothers, Don & Dave & sister, Marilyn Summer 2020 |
How do I even begin to verbalize all the memories floating around in my head when I think of Norm? Even random, insignificant memories have left their mark on my life forever. One day my mom and I were visiting Miem. I was sitting on the floor in their living room, doing a puzzle and eating some sort of treat. Norm came in and asked me what I was eating and if I was going to share. Smart aleck Carol appeared and replied, "No. Why should I? You never share with me." The expression on his face, told me how very wrong I was, but he didn't scold me or remind me of the many times he had. He just turned away and headed to his bedroom. I doubt he even remembered it, but as I write this now, I feel horrified that I didn't run after him to share and that I never even apologized.
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| Norm: Pre-contacts with Marilyn & Dave |
Then, there was the day he got his contact lenses. That was a big deal back in the '60s! I was playing with my dolls in the basement of our big house on 4th street and I saw him come running in the back door like something was chasing him! I called to him and he changed direction from heading up into our apartment and came bounding down the stairs. He ran up to me and bent down to look me in the eyes. I asked him what he was doing and he just said "Look!" as he pointed to his eyes. Well, I didn't see anything and didn't even realize he wasn't wearing his glasses! Slightly exasperated with me, he had to tell me he had contact lenses and didn't need to wear his glasses anymore. I might have gotten more excited for him if I understood what that meant, but I don't think I had even gotten my glasses yet, so it didn't seem such a big deal to me. Slightly deflated, he headed upstairs to show my mom and anyone else who was home at the time. I hope they gave him the reaction he was looking for.....
Lanie, Norm, Randy & I had our kids in a perfect time frame together. Lisa was 9 months older than my Megan; Brian was 3 months older than my Sami; Michael was 6 weeks older than my Brooks and my twins were 9 months older than Laura. Visits between the Zielkes and the Sloans were always an adventure. My kids LOVED going to visit "Uncle" Norm to play with their cousins and see what new "toys" he had in his basement, whether a pinball machine, a pool table or whatever, they always knew they'd have a good time at Uncle Norm's house.
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| Norm getting the fire going in Ashland, Ohio 1987/88 Looks a bit like a preschool! |
After we moved to Ohio, our visits to their home became less frequent, but then they came a time or two to visit us there. At the Sloan house, the kids spent more time outside, playing in the woods, in the creek and building campfires with Uncle Norm. I loved it when they came to visit us in Ohio or Utah, except I always felt guilty that it never seemed like much of a vacation for Norm. From the minute he walked in the door, it was like he was a magnet drawn to whatever was broken at my house and he just took over and fixed it! And, if he needed a part to fix it, he never let me pay him back. I have no idea how many toasters and other small appliances he fixed! And, the last time they came to visit in Vernal, UT I had just begun repainting my kitchen cabinets to give the kitchen a facelift. As would be expected, Norm (and Lanie) dove right in and before they left I had a nice new look to my kitchen.
And then came Lizzie! I was going through my divorce, learning to navigate our family on my income only, when Megan was in an accident that totaled the car we had for her. I was visiting them when Norm offered me their old Dodge Caravan minivan. I remember protesting that I couldn't just TAKE their car for my 16-year-old, but somehow, he turned it around and almost made me feel like I'd be doing HIM a favor by taking it off his hands! His powers of persuasion were definitely admirable! In spite of burning oil, windows that didn't work and a side door that flew open when they'd turn a corner, that car lasted through all of my kids learning to drive and was still chugging on after they had all purchased their own cars to replace her.
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| Norm and Lanie Dating Years Mid 1970s |
My favorite thing about Norm is that through him, my best friend came to be a part of the family. Although Lanie was just 13 when I introduced her to my cousin, it was obvious to anyone with a pair of eyes in their head that the two of them had a special connection. Norm was 9 years older than us, but he never treated us like the kids we were. Maybe that was because we were the only people under 40 he had to hang around with in Cornucopia. As we hung around together and had fun adventures, it became even more evident that the two had something special and Lanie developed a huge crush on Norm. I knew from nearly the beginning that they were meant to be together and did my best to encourage it and arrange time alone for them; I even tried my hardest to convince Lanie to invite Norm to our Senior Prom! When they had their first date, shortly after our high school graduation, I don't know who was happier, them or me. At any rate, they did end up together and I'll have them both as part of my forever family.
The fondest memories I have of my brousin, though, revolve around Cornucopia. Somehow, I've always felt that Corny was just a bit more magical for Norm and I than it was for the rest of the family. Maybe it goes back to the first summer when our parents bought the cabins together. Maybe it was that first arrival, near midnight, Memorial Day Weekend 1967, when we ran down the "steps" (that were then railroad ties and dirt) to the porch of the big cabin and caught our first glimpse of the moon shining down on Lake Siskiwit.
Maybe it was observing as the cabins truly became "ours" as our moms and dads worked tirelessly to improve the cabins and the land. Maybe it came from the gradual acquisition of "toys:" the homemade bicycle boat given to us by a neighbor,
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| Manmade Beach and Pier with the rowboat & Miss Rita |
Norm's Miss Rita, my dad's two boats (that were NOT good investments), Norm's Suzuki motorcycle...
Maybe it was the new adventures of shooting fireworks from the end of the pier for the 4th of July or going to the dump at dusk to watch for the bears.
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| Lanie on the pier as Carol docks Miss Rita |
Maybe it was the lessons learned on the lake: swimming, rowing a boat, canoeing, driving a boat for water skiers, Zip sledding, water skiing, replacing a broken pin on a boat motor in the middle of the lake, perfecting driving the boat up to the pier...
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| Norm and the Sloan Crew Lake Superior 2019 |
Norm continued to share the wonder of Corny with my family in recent years. While my son, Barton was doing his residency in Milwaukee, Norm and Lanie invited him to go for a vacation, which then inspired Barton to arrange a partial Sloan family reunion at Lake Siskiwit as a Christmas present for me to go back in 2019. It was wonderful to be back there again. Even more wonderful for me to see my kids and most of my grandkids experience the magic of Corny. But the best was seeing Norm interact with them all so that they saw the best that Corny had to offer.
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| Norm & Sloan Crew Ice Cream in Corny |
Whatever the magic, I know that is something I have always had in common with Norm. My heart ached for him all last summer, the first summer in 53 years he wasn't able to go to Corny and spend a majority of his summer at Lake Siskiwit. I knew how he felt, because I've felt the same way since the summer of 1975, when I had to face the fact that the cabins were no longer a part of my life.
I didn't really know why God was directing me back to Illinois in 2018 when I was first contemplating retirement. I knew I was coming to help Pop (my ex-father-in-law) who was alone and nearing 90. I knew I was useful in my church ward as I took over as president of the Relief Society (the women's organization). But, above all else, I know now, without a shadow of a doubt, that God brought me back to Illinois to enable me to be here to spend time with Norm and to be here for Lanie. Although I wasn't good at making the three hour drive from Decatur to see them when I first moved back, from the time Norm went into hospice I decided I would try my best to make a monthly trip up to visit. For the most part, I accomplished that goal. Each visit helped create more special memories of time spent with two of my favorite people. My brother, Al, joined us this spring and we got to watch my parents' old home movies that I had left with Norm decades ago.
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| Norm, Al & Carol Spring, 2021 |
We got to celebrate Norm's 75th birthday with blue teeth....
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| Celebrating #75 February 2021 |
and we played Dominoes! I don't know that I'll ever be able to look at a set of dominoes again without thinking of my final visits with him.
With all these memories, they don't even scratch the surface to describe the man Norm was. He was a true disciple of Christ, exemplifying the pure love of Christ in his actions. He was active in his community and his church. He loved to experience technology and had to have the latest gadgets; Alexa was one of his closest friends. He provided well for his family and was always there to help a friend. He loved his family and making people laugh. He was made for "Dad Jokes," did a perfect impression of Gomer Pyle and frequently reminded me of Cliff Huxtable. And, seeing the light in his eyes, whenever he put a smile on a child's face melted my heart every time.
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| Norm with Millie Sloan Lake Superior 2019 |
No blog can do justice to the man who was my brousin. No words can pay him the tribute he deserves. What a blessing that he's finally been released from the mortal body that betrayed him so in recent years and that he's been welcomed home by Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Father; that he's able, once again to see his sister, his parents and all the other Zielke-Staffedlts who were there to greet him on the other side of the veil. I'm sure, my mom was even there to greet her "little brown eyes" with open arms. One thing we can be certain of, he'll make sure everything is working in our heavenly homes when we get to join him there. I love you, I'll miss you and your kids and I will all take good care of Lanie for you, Cuz...
'Til we meet again...
