(Note: This post was started in February, 2022. Life got in the way and I forgot to finish it! So, now in honor of his 68th birthday this week, I FINALLY got it done! Happy Birthday, Randy! It's NEVER a dull moment...)
My wasband (Isn't that a much better term than ex?) was a man who made friends easily. If you met him once, you were immediately his good friend; especially if you had wealth or prestige. Not that he wanted anything from you, but he was a major name-dropper and did enjoy being connected with you in some way. If you made it into Randy's Friend-zone, you weren't surprised to read my blog from December 24, 2019, when I shared how, even in death, if he was involved, there had to be excitement and a comedy of errors. That said, it should also be unsurprising for you to find out that even a family trip to scatter his ashes (2 years late, thankyou very much Covid-19) would be typically Randy! 💖
In honor of Randy's 67th birthday on Monday (31 Jan 2022), my kids decided the weekend before would be an appropriate time to finally say good-bye by fulfilling his wish to have his ashes scattered off the coast of Catalina Island in California. The original plan, to scatter them the spring of 2020, a few months after his passing, was disrupted by the Covid-19 pandemic, as was everything else in the world!
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| Papa's Got a Brand New Bag! |
The adventure began in Kentucky when Megan picked up Randy from Pat, his other ex, who was keeping him for us after the cremation. Pat was good enough to get Randy all packed up with all the necessary paperwork to transport him on an airplane. Who knew there were so many rules?!?! Megan and her dad always had a unique relationship and after loading him up in his very own Vera Bradley bag and opening a bottle of Blackberry Wine, Megan had a long, emotional chat with her dad. And then, the two of them were California bound in an adventure Megan has dubbed "Randy Goes to Hollywood."
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| Randy's Last Seat on an Airplane |
Apparently getting to the plane provided a few moments of excitement as TSA had to take extra precautions with Randy to ensure Megan wasn't carrying an explosive powder onto the plane. As Megan found her seat, she placed him in the overhead bin with explicit instructions to behave! It may seem odd, but again, when Randy's involved, one can never be too cautious and for the second time in his "life," Randy was escorted off of a plane with a daughter. (His first escort was shortly after our divorce and he was flying with Sami & Brooks from Chicago to California. Their seats weren't together and, in spite of the fact that the girls had flown alone just fine from Ohio to Chicago, he was insisting that they all be allowed to sit together because his girls had never flown before and he couldn't leave them alone. Apparently he called the flight attendant a "dumb-a$$" as he was walking away and she felt threatened, so she called security to have him removed from the plane! Mind you, this was BEFORE 9/11, and the flight attendant felt threatened by his actions!) But, I digress.
Arriving in Los Angeles a full twelve hours before the rest of us on a red-eye from Cincinnati, Meg rented a car and took her dad to do a little sight-seeing.
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| Griffith Observatory |
Megan and Randy with the Hollywood sign and brunch at Hamburger Mary's
Driving a rental car around LA reminded Megan how much she didn't miss it, but they managed to make it to the Hollywood sign, the Griffith Observatory and to a drag brunch at Hamburger Mary's before turning the rental car back in to meet Brandon, Sami and me at baggage claim at 6:45, where we all waited for Bart to get in.
Roughly an hour and twenty minutes later, Brandon spied his other half approaching and ran to greet him. It warms my heart to see how close they still are; I tried to get it on video, but was too late...
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| Together at LAX: Randy with Meg, Bart, Brandon & Sami |
All together, it was time to meet our first Lyft XL of the trip, that wasn't quite XL enough! Bart won the honor of sitting in the third seat with one large size suitcase (filled with flavored popcorns from Randy's shop in Cincinnati), one medium suitcase and three small suitcases!
Megan had been proactive looking for Air-B-n-Bs on the island, but our last opportunity for a ferry ride to the island was too early for us to make it the day we arrived, so we stayed in a hotel the first night. It became a typical Sloan event with pizza and games, but was intensified by a search for a boat to take Randy's ashes out to sea! Turns out, January is NOT a good time of year to scatter ashes! The private tour boats are all out of service for the season! And then the regulations!!! Turns out you can't just walk out into the water or go to the edge of a cliff and let the wind carry your loved one out to sea like you see so romantically or sentimentally portrayed on TV or in the movies!
Since it was too late after we arrived at the hotel to make any boat arrangements that night, first thing in the morning we all had our phones out making calls and googling options to properly dispose of Randy's ashes, with last resort plans to dump him off the back of the Catalina ferry or each taking a handful of Randy on a walk along the beach and inconspicuously dropping him here and there, allowing the next high tide to take him to sea.
Bart finally found the winning sea option with "Klaus" to take Randy out to sea and set up our appointment to meet him the next day. So, we were ready to leave our hotel and head to Catalina to our our Air B-n-B. BUT... the ferry to Catalina only ran twice each day and we had missed the first crossing that day and had to kill the whole day before time for the evening ferry. So what do a bunch of Sloans do in California to waste a day? An amusement park of course!!! Since everyone had been to Disneyland/DisneyWorld and Universal Studios, with Randy in tow, Knott's Berry Farm, here we come!
They didn't want a replay of me getting sunstroke
at Universal Studios, so they insisted on getting me
a wheelchair and sunglasses....
My Babies on the Pony Express
As I mentioned, since we were on the move, Randy was with us wherever we went and it was our mantra, each time we set out or arrived someplace new, for someone to holler out, "Who's got Dad?" or "I've got Dad!" I'm certain there were plenty of people around us who wondered who "Dad" was, where he was and why everyone was so protective of him! After Knott's Berry Farm, Bran ordered another Lyft to take us back to the hotel to pick up our luggage.
Co-pilot, Bear
We took a lot of Lyft XL’s during this trip. During the most memorable one, the driver only had room for four of us, so he told the four "kids" to squish in the back— leaving me to ride shotgun and Sami on Meg's lap! Not exactly legal, but when the ox is in the mire... Anyway, partway through the ride, we passed a car with a huge dog sticking its head out the window. The kids commented on it, and our driver said “Yes. That’s a big dog. Not like this one.” And out of nowhere, he pulled a teacup poodle out from under his feet. And Bear, said teacup poodle, sat on his lap the rest of the trip to the Catalina Island Express for our first of many ferry rides.
Anytime we weren't moving for thirty minutes or more, our Entertainment Director Bart (who won't skip an opportunity to play with his siblings) was pulling out a game! Games of Choice for this trip were KingDomino or Quix. Quix was a bit handier since it involved fewer loose pieces!
The ferry docked in Avalon on Catalina Island and all the transportation was on golf carts! Unsurprisingly, the golf carts for rent were in high demand, so we ended up using a Google map with walking directions to our Air B-n-B. I slowed everyone down with my cane and bad knee, but they were patient and tolerant of me. We grabbed some dinner at a local bar that was (sort of) on our way and then dragged our suitcases to our temporary home.
Dinner at Luau Larry's
Fortunately, singed eyebrows
and a "black eye" were the worst injuries...
Fire going, we all sat around the dining room table while we played more games! When bedtime arrived, we needed to decide what to do with 3 bedrooms and two space heaters! Chivalrous and as close as they are, Bran and Bart decided I should take one heater in my bedroom, Meg & Sami should take the other into their room while they took the "extra" blankets and cuddled in their full bed...
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The next morning, we were off to the ferry, back to the mainland...
Beautiful sunrise over the ocean for
our peaceful morning walk to the ferry.
(Notice all the golf carts parked on the street!)
Final Family Picture with Randy;
Leaving Catalina Island
After ANOTHER Lyft ride, we took Randy for his final boat ride aboard "Never a Dull Moment." Turns out "Klaus" was really "Mike," a nice boat captain/tour guide who was determined to give Randy (and us) the best tour and send off he possibly could.
Bart & Meg listening intently
to Mike.
We all bundled up as best we could, but it still wasn't warm enough!
The seals didn't seem to mind
the cold, although they were
huddled pretty close together!
If you've previously read any of my blog posts, you know that nothing ever went smoothly when Randy was involved and he always carried his own kind of Murphy's Law into any situation. You can tell from the experiences we were having on this trip that he was still having an effect and our boat ride on the way to
scatter his ashes was not the exception!
Barton and Brandon were out on the front of the boat enjoying the ride and the scenery. Barton hollered out "Hey! What's that?" just as our captain inadvertently ran over this
flotation device. The rope got caught and wound around the propeller.
Randy's Final Photo
with the rogue life preserver.
Finally, the time had come. Mike took us out to one of his favorite spots off the shore of the island and cut the engine. He gave us as much privacy as he could on a small watercraft after explaining how the ashes should be disposed of to best ensure distribution in the water. One-by-one, we each took a turn talking about Randy; what he meant to us, how he had hurt or disappointed us, happy memories and how he had made us laugh. There was one gaping hole where Brookie should have been. Sadly, she was unable to join us and we missed her every minute. She was always the "Daddy's girl," and it just didn't feel right without her there. Even still, we shed plenty of tears, but also shared plenty of laughter, because while Randy was good at aggravating each of us, he was also good for a laugh AND he was always able to laugh at himself.
While it tore my heart out to hear my children speak of the hurt and disappointment they all experienced because of him, I was also glad to be able to share with them how I had loved him, how I knew that I was supposed to marry him and how eternally grateful I would always be to him. Without Randy, I would not have the amazing children I have. Without Randy, I never would have listened to the missionaries who introduced me to the church that has changed and blessed me so greatly in this life and the one to come.
While I wish my children had become the amazing people they are today because of Randy's positive influence, it's nice to know that they were able to turn the negatives into positives as they chose spouses and/or careers to ensure that they would not become their dad; that they would strive to be better parents and would always make sure their children knew they were safe and loved.
After we were all talked out, Brandon offered a prayer and Barton knelt over the back of the boat and gently poured his father's ashes into the ocean, just as he wanted. As we watched Randy's ashes slowly drift away from us, we waited in silence, shedding a few more tears, until we could see him no more. It was then, before starting the boat up again, that Mike shared with us his appreciation for the things we had said; for the experiences we had gone through and the love we still have for one another and for Randy.
Mike started the boat, took us back to shore to get one more Lyft to the ferry and another dinner at Luau Larry's. This time we got an actual table and were able to continue our conversation and memories of Randy; this time, the memories were mostly humorous, except for the one appalling one my boys shared of their dad's version of "the talk" with his teenage sons... oh well, leave it to Randy. Hopefully, that will just be one more way my boys learned how NOT to be a dad....
After dinner, we walked back to our cold house, prepared for our departure the next morning and then moved the dining room table into the living room in front of the fireplace for the evening games.
The next morning we headed out for our final ferry ride of the weekend. One more chance for a game, another Lyft and a delicious farewell breakfast at the Big Bear Diner... with all of our luggage...
After breakfast there was one final Lyft to the airport and it was time for more good-byes with big hugs all around before we all separated to return to our own little worlds in Kentucky, Texas, Colorado, Utah and Illinois. Our weekend was over, our task was completed, but most of all peace and closure were achieved. We all had our own "issues" with Randy. We each had held onto a degree of anger, yet we all knew that most of those issues stemmed from his undiagnosed, untreated mental health issues and drug abuse. Now, as we think about him, or talk about him, it's with laughter, understanding and peace.
I know it's become very common these days for people to say they don't want a funeral or a memorial service. I've also heard it said that a funeral isn't for the one who has passed on; it's for the living. I agree with that 100%. Those left behind need the opportunity to cry, to get mad, to shout, to laugh and to say goodbye. Without that opportunity, I believe we hang onto those emotions, even if we bury them deeply, and they have potential to affect our lives and relationships in the future. At least I know I always need that release. Seeing the emotions expressed by each of my kids, I know they needed it too and I believe that Randy was with us that weekend. I believe he was able to hear our words and recognize that in spite of the demons who haunted him through his last few years, we still love him, we miss him and hope he has been able to find the same peace we have.
Don't get the wrong idea about this video!
I post it as a fond memory of happy days together.
Randy and I frequently went dancing at the discos
and this was one of his favorites to dance to.
"Baby, you're no gooood...."
