Randy's Farewell Tour: Never a Dull Moment

(Note: This post was started in February, 2022. Life got in the way and I forgot to finish it! So, now in honor of his 68th birthday this week, I FINALLY got it done! Happy Birthday, Randy! It's NEVER a dull moment...) 

My wasband (Isn't that a much better term than ex?) was a man who made friends easily. If you met him once, you were immediately his good friend; especially if you had wealth or prestige. Not that he wanted anything from you, but he was a major name-dropper and did enjoy being connected with you in some way. If you made it into Randy's Friend-zone, you weren't surprised to read my blog from December 24, 2019, when I shared how, even in death, if he was involved, there had to be excitement and a comedy of errors. That said, it should also be unsurprising for you to find out that even a family trip to scatter his ashes (2 years late, thankyou very much Covid-19) would be typically Randy! 💖

In honor of Randy's 67th birthday on Monday (31 Jan 2022), my kids decided the weekend before would be an appropriate time to finally say good-bye by fulfilling his wish to have his ashes scattered off the coast of Catalina Island in California. The original plan, to scatter them the spring of 2020, a few months after his passing, was disrupted by the Covid-19 pandemic, as was everything else in the world!

Papa's Got a Brand New Bag!

The adventure began in Kentucky when Megan picked up Randy from Pat, his other ex, who was keeping him for us after the cremation. Pat was good enough to get Randy all packed up with all the necessary paperwork to transport him on an airplane. Who knew there were so many rules?!?! Megan and her dad always had a unique relationship and after loading him up in his very own Vera Bradley bag and opening a bottle of Blackberry Wine, Megan had a long, emotional chat with her dad. And then, the two of them were California bound in an adventure Megan has dubbed "Randy Goes to Hollywood."

Randy's Last Seat on an Airplane

Apparently getting to the plane provided a few moments of excitement as TSA had to take extra precautions with  Randy to ensure Megan wasn't carrying an explosive powder onto the plane. As Megan found her seat, she placed him in the overhead bin with explicit instructions to behave! It may seem odd, but again, when Randy's involved, one can never be too cautious and for the second time in his "life," Randy was escorted off of a plane with a daughter. (His first escort was shortly after our divorce and he was flying with Sami & Brooks from Chicago to California. Their seats weren't together and, in spite of the fact that the girls had flown alone just fine from Ohio to Chicago, he was insisting that they all be allowed to sit together because his girls had never flown before and he couldn't leave them alone. Apparently he called the flight attendant a "dumb-a$$" as he was walking away and she felt threatened, so she called security to have him removed from the plane! Mind you, this was BEFORE 9/11, and the flight attendant felt threatened by his actions!) But, I digress.

Arriving in Los Angeles a full twelve hours before the rest of us on a red-eye from Cincinnati, Meg rented a car and took her dad to do a little sight-seeing. 

Griffith Observatory

Megan and Randy with the Hollywood sign and brunch at Hamburger Mary's

Driving a rental car around LA reminded Megan how much she didn't miss it, but they managed to make it to the Hollywood sign, the Griffith Observatory and to a drag brunch at Hamburger Mary's before turning the rental car back in to meet Brandon, Sami and me at baggage claim at 6:45, where we all waited for Bart to get in.

Roughly an hour and twenty minutes later, Brandon spied his other half approaching and ran to greet him. It warms my heart to see how close they still are; I tried to get it on video, but was too late...

Together at LAX: Randy with
Meg, Bart, Brandon & Sami

All together, it was time to meet our first Lyft XL of the trip, that wasn't quite XL enough! Bart won the honor of sitting in the third seat with one large size suitcase (filled with flavored popcorns from Randy's shop in Cincinnati), one medium suitcase and three small suitcases!

Megan had been proactive looking for Air-B-n-Bs on the island, but our last opportunity for a ferry ride to the island was too early for us to make it the day we arrived, so we stayed in a hotel the first night. It became a typical Sloan event with pizza and games, but was intensified by a search for a boat to take Randy's ashes out to sea! Turns out, January is NOT a good time of year to scatter ashes! The private tour boats are all out of service for the season! And then the regulations!!! Turns out you can't just walk out into the water or go to the edge of a cliff and let the wind carry your loved one out to sea like you see so romantically or sentimentally portrayed on TV or in the movies!

Since it was too late after we arrived at the hotel to make any boat arrangements that night, first thing in the morning we all had our phones out making calls and googling options to properly dispose of Randy's ashes, with last resort plans to dump him off the back of the Catalina ferry or each taking a handful of Randy on a walk along the beach and inconspicuously dropping him here and there, allowing the next high tide to take him to sea. 

Bart finally found the winning sea option with "Klaus" to take Randy out to sea and set up our appointment to meet him the next day. So, we were ready to leave our hotel and head to Catalina to our our Air B-n-B. BUT... the ferry to Catalina only ran twice each day and we had missed the first crossing that day and had to kill the whole day before time for the evening ferry. So what do a bunch of Sloans do in California to waste a day? An amusement park of course!!! Since everyone had been to Disneyland/DisneyWorld and Universal Studios, with Randy in tow, Knott's Berry Farm, here we come!

They didn't want a replay of me getting sunstroke

at Universal Studios, so they insisted on getting me 

a wheelchair and sunglasses....

My Babies on the Pony Express

As I mentioned, since we were on the move, Randy was with us wherever we went and it was our mantra, each time we set out or arrived someplace new, for someone to holler out, "Who's got Dad?" or "I've got Dad!" I'm certain there were plenty of people around us who wondered who "Dad" was, where he was and why everyone was so protective of him! After Knott's Berry Farm, Bran ordered another Lyft to take us back to the hotel to pick up our luggage.

Co-pilot, Bear

We took a lot of Lyft XL’s during this trip. During the most memorable one, the driver only had room for four of us, so he told the four "kids" to squish in the back— leaving me to ride shotgun and Sami on Meg's lap! Not exactly legal, but when the ox is in the mire... Anyway, partway through the ride, we passed a car with a huge dog sticking its head out the window. The kids commented on it, and our driver said “Yes. That’s a big dog. Not like this one.” And out of nowhere, he pulled a teacup poodle out from under his feet. And Bear, said teacup poodle, sat on his lap the rest of the trip to the Catalina Island Express for our first of many ferry rides.

Anytime we weren't moving for thirty minutes or more, our Entertainment Director Bart (who won't skip an opportunity to play with his siblings) was pulling out a game! Games of Choice for this trip were KingDomino or Quix. Quix was a bit handier since it involved fewer loose pieces!

The ferry docked in Avalon on Catalina Island and all the transportation was on golf carts! Unsurprisingly, the golf carts for rent were in high demand, so we ended up using a Google map with walking directions to our Air B-n-B. I slowed everyone down with my cane and bad knee, but they were patient and tolerant of me. We grabbed some dinner at a local bar that was (sort of) on our way and then dragged our suitcases to our temporary home.

Dinner at Luau Larry's

Funny thing about this house on Catalina Island, it is obviously meant to be a SUMMER home because there was NO HEAT! We found a few space heaters, but found out early that we couldn't use space heaters AND lights or we tripped a circuit! So... my sons tried their Boy Scout skills with the gas fireplace! Brandon turned on the gas and Bart lit the fire....

Fortunately, singed eyebrows

and a "black eye" were the worst injuries...

Fire going, we all sat around the dining room table while we played more games! When bedtime arrived, we needed to decide what to do with 3 bedrooms and two space heaters! Chivalrous and as close as they are, Bran and Bart decided I should take one heater in my bedroom, Meg & Sami should take the other into their room while they took the "extra" blankets and cuddled in their full bed...

The next morning, we were off to the ferry, back to the mainland...

Beautiful sunrise over the ocean for

our peaceful morning walk to the ferry.

(Notice all the golf carts parked on the street!)

Final Family Picture with Randy;

Leaving Catalina Island

After ANOTHER Lyft ride, we took Randy for his final boat ride aboard "Never a Dull Moment." Turns out "Klaus" was really "Mike," a nice boat captain/tour guide who was determined to give Randy (and us) the best tour and send off he possibly could.

Bart & Meg listening intently

to Mike.

As you might have guessed from the picture above, it was a bit chilly! Temps were below the normal for southern California and it was even WORSE out on the open water!

We all bundled up as best we could, but it still wasn't warm enough!

When we slowed down a little bit on the open water the boys climbed out onto the front of the boat, Mike posed, Sami took down her hood and Meg put a couple of braids in my hair to keep it from whipping around my face so that I could actually see the sites...

The seals didn't seem to mind

the cold, although they were

huddled pretty close together!

If you've previously read any of my blog posts, you know that nothing ever went smoothly when Randy was involved and he always carried his own kind of Murphy's Law into any situation. You can tell from the experiences we were having on this trip that he was still having an effect and our boat ride on the way to scatter his ashes was not the exception! 

Barton and Brandon were out on the front of the boat enjoying the ride and the scenery. Barton hollered out "Hey! What's that?" just as our captain inadvertently ran over this flotation device. The rope got caught and wound around the propeller. 

Randy's Final Photo

with the rogue life preserver.

We smelled smoke, and Meg was convinced that the Coast Guard would somehow end up involved when Mike was unable to get the rope loose. Luckily, he got us into the harbor, where he fixed the problem and checked the motor while we ate a late lunch at a restaurant he recommended.

Finally, the time had come. Mike took us out to one of his favorite spots off the shore of the island and cut the engine. He gave us as much privacy as he could on a small watercraft after explaining how the ashes should be disposed of to best ensure distribution in the water. One-by-one, we each took a turn talking about Randy; what he meant to us, how he had hurt or disappointed us, happy memories and how he had made us laugh. There was one gaping hole where Brookie should have been. Sadly, she was unable to join us and we missed her every minute. She was always the "Daddy's girl," and it just didn't feel right without her there. Even still, we shed plenty of tears, but also shared plenty of laughter, because while Randy was good at aggravating each of us, he was also good for a laugh AND he was always able to laugh at himself. 

While it tore my heart out to hear my children speak of the hurt and disappointment they all experienced because of him, I was also glad to be able to share with them how I had loved him, how I knew that I was supposed to marry him and how eternally grateful I would always be to him. Without Randy, I would not have the amazing children I have. Without Randy, I never would have listened to the missionaries who introduced me to the church that has changed and blessed me so greatly in this life and the one to come.

While I wish my children had become the amazing people they are today because of Randy's positive influence, it's nice to know that they were able to turn the negatives into positives as they chose spouses and/or careers to ensure that they would not become their dad; that they would strive to be better parents and would always make sure their children knew they were safe and loved.

After we were all talked out, Brandon offered a prayer and Barton knelt over the back of the boat and gently poured his father's ashes into the ocean, just as he wanted. As we watched Randy's ashes slowly drift away from us, we waited in silence, shedding a few more tears, until we could see him no more. It was then, before starting the boat up again, that Mike shared with us his appreciation for the things we had said; for the experiences we had gone through and the love we still have for one another and for Randy.

Mike started the boat, took us back to shore to get one more Lyft to the ferry and another dinner at Luau Larry's. This time we got an actual table and were able to continue our conversation and memories of Randy; this time, the memories were mostly humorous, except for the one appalling one my boys shared of their dad's version of "the talk" with his teenage sons... oh well, leave it to Randy. Hopefully, that will just be one more way my boys learned how NOT to be a dad....

After dinner, we walked back to our cold house, prepared for our departure the next morning and then moved the dining room table into the living room in front of the fireplace for the evening games.

The next morning we headed out for our final ferry ride of the weekend. One more chance for a game, another Lyft and a delicious farewell breakfast at the Big Bear Diner... with all of our luggage...

After breakfast there was one final Lyft to the airport and it was time for more good-byes with big hugs all around before we all separated to return to our own little worlds in Kentucky, Texas, Colorado, Utah and Illinois. Our weekend was over, our task was completed, but most of all peace and closure were achieved. We all had our own "issues" with Randy. We each had held onto a degree of anger, yet we all knew that most of those issues stemmed from his undiagnosed, untreated mental health issues and drug abuse. Now, as we think about him, or talk about him, it's with laughter, understanding and peace.

I know  it's become very common these days for people to say they don't want a funeral or a memorial service. I've also heard it said that a funeral isn't for the one who has passed on; it's for the living. I agree with that 100%. Those left behind need the opportunity to cry, to get mad, to shout, to laugh and to say goodbye. Without that opportunity, I believe we hang onto those emotions, even if we bury them deeply, and they have potential to affect our lives and relationships in the future. At least I know I always need that release. Seeing the emotions expressed by each of my kids, I know they needed it too and I believe that Randy was with us that weekend. I believe he was able to hear our words and recognize that in spite of the demons who haunted him through his last few years, we still love him, we miss him and hope he has been able to find the same peace we have.

Don't get the wrong idea about this video! 

I post it as a fond memory of happy days together.

Randy and I frequently went dancing at the discos

and this was one of his favorites to dance to.

"Baby, you're no gooood...."

 

Let the Games Begin! Heavenly Father has a New Player on His Team

Allen Carl Zielke

4 December 1947 - 15 November 2022

In Loving Memory of My Big Brother on his 75th Birthday

Al & Me at his
Retirement Party

I rarely have a difficult time when I decide to write on my blog. Usually, I think of the topic or the person I'm going to write about and the thoughts and words begin to flow. Perhaps if I had written this sooner, closer to November 15th, that would have been the case, but it would have been hyper-emotional; wrapped up in my personal sorrow and grief. I don't think that's how he would have wanted it. My fun-loving, kind big brother would want to be represented here as he lived his life in this world. So, I'm gonna try...

Al, about 10 years

Al was 7-years-old when I was born, so the picture above is about the age I begin to have memories of him. Al played the trombone and would sometimes accompany Bill on the trumpet. Mom wanted pictures of them together with their instruments. 

Bill about 13 with  Al

Oddly enough, I really don't have memories of Al playing the trombone, but rather of him playing the accordion and begging him to play Elvis' hit, "Love Me Tender" for me! He'd usually cave in, but he really made me work for it before he did! 

I remember one day in the car going to pick  Al up from somewhere. I think he was at band camp. At that time I found out that Al had a crush on a girl he had met there and had a new favorite song because of her...

"Sherry" by The Four Seasons-1962

Come to think of it, a LOT of my memories of Al revolve around music. I think he actually shaped my taste in music. So, indulge me while I share of few of those songs that bring a smile to my face when I hear them, just because they remind me of him.

"Alley Oop" by the Hollywood Argyles-1960

Yep, it was a song based on a comic strip from the newspaper and earned Al one of his early nicknames. 

"Sugar Shack" by Jimmy Gilmer & The Fireballs

"Sugar Shack" is the first one I remember him playing over and over. Perhaps there was another girl that it reminded him of...

Dave Clark Five singing "Glad All Over"

Whenever I hear "Glad All Over," it makes me glad all over and brings a smile to my face as I remember and visualize my big brother bouncing his legs in different rhythms and playing the "air drums" before air drums were a thing. I was fascinated that he could do so many different things at once and thought for sure he would one day play drums.

The Kingsmen: "Louie, Louie" on Shindig

You've probably all heard the song "Louie, Louie" and might wonder what Al might have liked about that song. Nothing, as far as I know. He didn't own it, didn't play it, but it holds a special memory for me. I was groomed by my brothers to listen to WLS Radio in Chicago from an early age and one day while it was playing, this song came on. I couldn't understand anything they were saying except for "Louie, Louie," so I asked Al, who seemed to know everything about everything, what they were saying. He laughed at me and answered, "What do you THINK they're saying?" and would say no more. I don't think he knew either! He probably just didn't want to drop a peg in my hero worship. Turns out, I wasn't the only one who didn't know the lyrics! It turned into a whole FBI investigation!!! The Story Behind Louie, Louie

Jimmy Clanton: "Venus in Blue Jeans" on American Bandstand

(Check out the girls doing the "hand dance!")

"Venus in Blue Jeans" is another one like "Sugar Shack. I'm not sure why he liked it and played it so much, but it's a memory...

Shirley Ellis taught America "The Name Game"

Al made sure I knew how to sing "The Name Game" properly with any-body's name by testing me with names not mentioned in the song!

"Down in the Boondocks" by Billy Joe Royal

Although he did a good job of covering it up, Al was often down on himself and imagined that other people saw him as a screw up; someone that would never succeed. The fact that Al liked this song so much, always made me sad. At the ripe old age of  ten, it made me wonder if that was how he felt about his girlfriend, Marcia. She lived in a beautiful home in a nice area of Watertown and came from a classy family, while Al was a farm boy who milked cows, slopped hogs and baled hay. One thing was for certain though: He loved a little girl who lived up there and I guess he always did considering after a divorce, 36 years apart and several other marriages/relationships between them, they ended up together again for the last eight years of his life.

Then there are groups. The groups who make me think of Al mostly because he liked a lot of their music like The Beach Boys,( "Surfin' Safari" )The Mamas' and the Papas ("California Dreamin'" ) and The Association ("Cherish"). But, the ones that really stand out are the ones he MET! When he worked for Delta Airlines after high school, he played on Delta's basketball team. Sometimes, Delta's owner would take the players to dinner and they would often meet members of popular musical groups like Paul Revere and the Raiders ("Just Like Me"), but probably the most memorable was having dinner with The Supremes!

The Supremes on Shindig, 1965 (before it was Diana Ross and The Supremes)

Then there were the TV shows. TV was still fairly new and we had a whopping three channels to choose from on our black and white tv. An original Star Trek fan, he really liked science fiction. One of his favorite shows was the Outer Limits. Just watching the introduction to that show freaked me out! They're going to "TAKE OVER" our tv?!?!? Outer Limits Intro I didn't argue with Al often, but there was an argument every time he wanted to watch it. He always won...

Twilight Zone: Shatner vs The Gremlin

And The Twilight Zone! We HAD TO watch it too! This episode with William Shatner scarred me for life! I STILL have a hard time looking out an airplane window at night! Add some rain, and I'm probably pulling my shade down and NOT opening it up again!

My early exposure to Al's science fiction fascination led me to believe unquestioningly in his UFO sightings when I was in Junior High! He had taken Marcia and Dan up to Watertown to spend some time with her folks and was driving back to Aurora alone on a Sunday night. It was very dark, no stars in sight, when suddenly Al saw bright lights in his rearview mirror. They were approaching very quickly and suddenly disappeared! He was freaked out by the episode and when he saw a police car parked in the next town, he stopped to ask the officer if there had been any strange reports that evening. The officer told Al that there hadn't been anything except a farmer calling in to say he saw a strange light "chasing" a car down the road and suddenly fly up into the sky... Then a few years later, a friend drove Al home from bowling night. His friend parked in the Buy Rite parking lot across the street from our house. He and Al were sitting in the car talking for just a few more minutes when he looked over at our house and saw a large glowing object above the house! Were they after him? I don't know, but if Al had ever told me that he was abducted by aliens, I would have believed him! Am I just that gullible or do UFOs really exist? Thanks to my big brother, I'm a believer!

One of my most vivid, tender memories of Al, happened after he got in trouble for something and Mom was chasing him around the dining room table with a belt! I remember Al laughing and Mom getting angrier and angrier. I couldn't stand watching anymore and ran into my bedroom in tears. A little while later I heard my mom tell him to "go let her know that you're alright." A minute later a smiling Al, laid down on my bed with me. He asked me what was wrong and I told him that I was afraid for him; that Mommy was going to hurt him. He just laughed and said "She can't catch me!"  What a cocky 11-year-old! When I started to cry harder, he laughed, put his arms around me and just hugged me, assuring me that he was okay until my tears finally stopped.

I should have been used to him getting in trouble. He did it a lot; at home and at school. One of my favorite stories about him getting in trouble was when he was in sixth grade at St Paul's in Aurora. I have no idea what he did, but he got sent to the principal's office who decided that if he was going to act like a Kindergartner, she was going to treat him like a Kindergartner, so she sent him to the Kindergarten room for the rest of the day. This Kindergarten room had a fish pond in it and somehow Al got his hands on a bunch of rubber bands and he entertained himself by shooting rubber bands at the ceiling at the right angle to drop them down into the fish pond! Mom got a call to go get him....

Al was one of the smartest guys I ever knew. His intelligence was one thing that frequently got him in trouble with Mom, because he didn't apply it. His grades weren't as high as they could have been, just because he didn't care about them and didn't care to try. Staying in high school was more to appease Mom and for the sports. He had a natural understanding and talent for math. The higher I went in math in junior high and high school, when Mom was no longer able to help me, it was Al that I turned to for help. When Al gave up his dream to become a pilot and went to work at Merchant's Bank in Aurora as a teller, the job was just a job. It didn't provide any challenges until he took the test to be among the first to establish the data processing department at the bank; back in the days when the computer(s) filled the whole room! At last he had something new and different to challenge him and set the path for the rest of his career at the bank, in business for himself and finally with Bethesda until his retirement.

Watertown Gosling Baseball

The 3-Bs, Basketball, Baseball and (in his adult years) Bowling were his sports of choice. He and our older brother, Bill, both played baseball from Little League on and Al shared his love of the game with his family. For a period of time, he became a basketball referee in Aurora for some extra cash and exercise.

I'm sure our "Brother/Uncle" bouquet at the 

funeral confused some, but that's who Al was to 

Bill and me. We added a balloon after this picture was taken.

If you were ever around Al and there was some down time, chances are you would end up playing a game of some sort. Most of the time, I think he made them up,  'cause the rules would change... in his favor! Whether it was kicking a tennis ball through the drain holes on the front porch, rock/paper/scissors or one of his favorites, the hand slap game, he always got me to play with him! Why, I don't know. I was either stupid or masochistic, because I NEVER won, but I'd ALWAYS play. I think I just liked having that time and attention from him. Oh! And balloons! If ever  there was a balloon in the house, helium or hot air filled didn't matter, there was going to be a balloon game happening before the night was over. 

Al wearing the Pig of Shame Hat

Lake Siskiwit about 1972

Even a simple card came like Pig had to be made more interesting for Allen! Normally, for a game of pig you pull 4-of-a-kind from a normal deck of cards for however many people are playing. (i.e. 3 people playing use 4 kings, 4 queens & 4 jacks) Shuffle the cards and deal four to each person. To play, each person passes a card to the right and receives from the left. Keep trading cards until someone gets 4 of a kind. That person quietly puts their finger on their nose and stops passing cards. As the other players realize someone has their finger on their nose, they quickly put their finger on their nose. The last player to touch their nose is the Pig! Well, it just so happened that on one trip to Corny, Al & Marcie had brought their dog Barney along and Barney had a pig squeaky toy. My BFF, Lanie, who was with us had a sailor hat. You can see how Al made things more interesting in his picture. If you were declared the pig, you had to wear the hat until someone else stole the "crown."

Al moved with Dad to our new farm in Watertown, Wisconsin the spring of 1963. Dad wanted to be there to get the crops planted on time, but Mom didn't want to move Bill during the last semester of his senior year. So, Mom, Bill and I stayed in Aurora to finish the school year while Dad and Al worked on getting the crops in and building our herd of dairy cattle. Dad had gotten me a pony and had Al help him work on breaking her to ride. 

Al on Sandy

Spring, 1963

As I listened to Al tell me memories of Dad for Dad's 100th birthday book that I created for all his grandchildren this year, I came to realize that ANY time Al was able to spend with Dad was very special to him and I think he grew to feel closer to Dad in those months alone together.  Of the three of us, Al was probably most like Dad in temperament, humor and attitude toward life. With a hint of laughter and a twinkle in his eye, he told us about Dad "teaching" him to drive a truck and a tractor when he was about 8 and couldn't reach the clutch or brake! He also told us about Mom throwing him off the hay wagon more than once when she would hit the clutch as he was reaching for a bale of hay.

Al's Senior Photo

Watertown, WI class of 1965

After the move to Watertown Al slimmed down, built muscles from all the farm work and let his crewcut grow out giving him the handsome surfer-dude look in his senior picture. As Al would join me on the school bus at the high school and all the other kids would holler at him for his attention or to have him sit with them, I was always so proud that he was MY brother. All of my elementary school friends had crushes on him; I think they came to my Halloween parties just to see him. He always seemed to find girlfriends too, but none caught his eye like Marcia. 

Marcia Westphal

Watertown, WI Class of 1966

Marcie caught my attention too. She was the first (and only) of Al's girlfriends to show an interest in me. She talked to me and treated me like I always thought a big sister would treat me. When our grandmother was dying and Mom needed to go to Aurora to help her sister and prepare for Grandma's death, they didn't know what to do with me. I couldn't miss that much school and Dad couldn't devote enough time away from chores to take care of me so I went to stay at Marcie's house. I got to sleep in her very girly, ruffly pink bedroom. She talked to me, played games with me and her parents made me feel comfortable in their home. I finally had a sister and couldn't have been happier when Al made her my sister for real!

Al's & Marcia's Wedding Reception

13 August 1966

The wedding didn't come about easily though! Because Al was "under age," he needed our parents' signatures to get married in Wisconsin. They refused, telling him he was too young. It turned into quite the quarrel, ending with Al's threat that if they wouldn't give their permission, he and Marcia would just make sure they "had to" get married. Mom was NOT thrilled however, when both Al and Bill purchased and gave their girlfriends engagement rings the day of our grandmother's viewing after her death. Mom got over it, though, and 4 months later, Marcie became Al's wife. Ten months after the wedding, I was an aunt for the first time when Daniel Carl was born and 18 months later, on Al's 21st birthday, Gail Lynn was born AT HOME, delivered by a policeman in their bedroom because Marcie couldn't make it the three blocks to the hospital! I think the thing that hurts my heart the most right now, is that my beautiful niece is celebrating her first birthday without her dad in her life. Whether they spent the day together or not, they always had that special bond: Police Deliver Special Gift; Teller Reaps Dividend

Al, Marcie and the Kids

1969

Sadly, most of my memories with Al end with his divorce from Marcia in 1973. I was devastated when they got divorced, but I was off to college, Dad died, Al married Ellen, Al divorced Ellen, I got married and moved to Utah and the close relationship I was used to the first 23 years of my life became more distant. Al did come to visit me at college several times, especially my freshman year and we had a few good times, but nothing like I was used to from living in the same house most of my life

Consequently, I didn't have the opportunity to get to know my nephew Jeff and my niece Mary Ellen or their mom, Sue very well. Sue passed away in December, 2013 after having a stroke.

Al and his kids after Sue's Funeral

Jeff, Mary Ellen, Gail & Dan

Shortly after Sue's death, Marcie moved into Al's house in Watertown. In many ways it felt like what was always meant to be was finally made right, yet without their divorce there would have been no Sue, which means there would be no Jeff, no Mary, no Logan, no Ella and no Rylea and I know Al wouldn't have wanted to live in a world where they didn't exist. Even Marcie says that she wouldn't change a thing about her life or Al's because their divorce only led to an expanded family and more love to share.

Marcie and Al

Golden Years

I moved back to Illinois in November, 2018 and had the opportunity to work on rebuilding my relationship with Al with occasional visits and more frequent phone calls than in previous years. When our brousin, Norm went into Hospice care, I made a concentrated effort to go to Aurora each month to see him and sometimes Al would come down from Wisconsin so we could visit Norm together..

Norm, Al & Me

24 Mar 2021

One visit was especially meaningful as we all watched Mom's home movies that had been stored at Norm & Elaine's house for forty years. I had the opportunity to hear Norm and Al reminisce about family vacations together when they were little as I watched very young versions of the men with me on the screen at family reunions and horsing around at Wisconsin Dells.

Three years ago, Al was diagnosed with and had surgery for colon cancer. That botched surgery nearly cost Al his life at that time. Fortunately, I was driving through Wisconsin with some of my grandchildren on the way to spend one more vacation with Norm at Lake Siskiwit and we were able to stop at the University Hospital in Madison to see him.

Granddaughters Cari, Sarai & I

Visiting Al in Madison, 2019

As I tried to make sense of Al's very unexpected death a little more than two weeks ago, I felt as if God was speaking peace to my soul when I heard the words very clearly that He had given us three extra years and now it was time for Al to go home and begin his next phase of life. I don't know what God needs him for, but I know he'll get it done and he'll make it fun while he's at it.

Since Norm passed away in July, 2021, when I would go up to Aurora to visit Lanie, we would occasionally head up to see Al and Marcie in Watertown. They were always good visits with lots of news, memories, laughs and love.

Visit with Al and Marcie

Watertown; December 2021

My last visit with Al was the 16th of September. I was scheduled for my left knee replacement on October 6th and wanted to get to visit with him and Marcie while I still could before the Wisconsin/Illinois winter hit. If only I had known when I said goodbye that day that it would be the last time I'd see him in this life, I don't know WHAT I would have done differently, but I know I would have committed every moment to memory and that last hug would have been one to carry us into eternity.

"Scars in Heaven" by Casting Crowns

Was sung by Brandon & Barton Sloan at both Norm's and Al's Funerals

I've debated explaining how and why Al left us on November 15th, but I've decided against it. My goal with today's  blog was to share a snapshot of who my brother is; who his spirit IS, because I know his spirit lives on and he's even happier where he is now. I know that he's happy all of his kids are supporting one another and worked together so well to execute his final wishes. I know that he's especially happy that ALL of them are looking out for Marcie. I know he's happy our older brother, Bill listened to his doctors and didn't risk his own life to come to a funeral. I know that he's happy I've had the loving support of so many friends and family. I know he's happy to be with Mom & Dad and to share his birthday with our beautiful niece Kirsten today. I know he's happy to be playing on God's team. And I know he's happy and proud that his family will be celebrating his 75th birthday today with hamburgers and chocolate pie! Let the games in Heaven BEGIN!!!

Al's Family raised a toast to Al with his favorite brew after his visitation.

Al's urn and his final resting place: 

3rd row from the bottom; First door on the right